1011. A painter was employed in painting a West India ship in the river, suspended on a stage under the ship’s stern. The captain, who had just got into the boat alongside, for the purpose of going ashore, ordered the boy to let go the painter (the rope which makes fast the boat): the boy instantly went aft, and let go the rope by which the painter’s stage was held. The captain, surprised at the boy’s delay, cried out, Heigh-ho, there, you lazy lubber, why don’t you let go the painter? The boy replied, He’s gone, sir, pots and all. 1012. A young man, boasting of his health and constitutional stamina, in the hearing of Wewitzer, the player, was asked to what he chiefly attributed so great a happiness. To what, sir? to laying in a good foundation, to be sure. I make a point, sir, to eat a great deal every morning. Then I presume, sir, remarked Wewitzer, you usually breakfast in a timber-yard. 1013. A captain in the navy, meeting a friend as he landed at Portsmouth, boasted that he had left his whole ship’s company the happiest fellows in the world. How so? asked his friend. Why I have just flogged seventeen, and they are happy it is over; and all the rest are happy that they have escaped. 1014. A witness was called upon to testify concerning the reputation of another witness for veracity. Why, said he, I hardly know what to tell you: M― sometimes jests and jokes, and then I don’t believe him; but when he undertakes to tell anything for a fact, I believe him as much as I do the rest of my neighbours. 1015. An Irish journal announced the accouchement of her grace the Duke of Dorset. Next day it was thus corrected: For “her grace the Duke of Dorset,” read “his grace the Duchess of Dorset.” 1016. One evening, Tom Sheridan, after sitting with his father over a bottle, was complaining of the emptiness of his pocket. The right honourable manager told him jocularly, to go on the highway. I have tried that already, said he, but without success. Ah! how? replied the father. Why, resumed he, I stopped a caravan full of passengers, who assured me they had not a farthing, as they all belonged to Drury Lane Theatre, and could not get a penny of their salary. 1017. A man meeting his friend, said, I spoke to you last night in a dream. Pardon me, replied the other, I did not hear you. 1018. An eccentric barber, some years ago, opened a shop under the walls of the King’s Bench prison. The windows being broken when he opened the house he mended them with paper, on which appeared―‘Shave for a penny,’ with the usual invitation to customers; and over the door was scrawled these lines: Here lives Jemmy Wright, Shaves as well as any man in England, Almost―not quite.