1120. During the siege of a castle, when the besieged were hard pressed, a lady, one of the defenders, was remarking, that the colours that hung upon one of the towers, were one of her bed-curtains. To which a person replied, Madam, I wish you would set up the little boy, (who stands up over the curtain,) on the top of that tower, that we might see whether he would drive away all those men with his bow and arrows. To which the lady replied, Cupid never raises a siege. 1121. A great eater was once boasting that he was a great wit, saying, The world knew him to be “all wit:” one standing by, that knew him very well, said, Is it possible that you are taken for a wit! if so, your anagram is wit-all. 1122. Two being in a tavern together, one swore the other should pledge him, Why then, quoth the other, I will;―and presently went down stairs and left him for the reckoning. 1123. A drunken fellow passing by a shop asked a ’prentice boy, What their sign was? He answered, it was a sign he was drunk. 1124. It was said by one, a barber had need be honest and trusty, because, whoever employed him, though it was but for a hair matter, put his life into his hands. 1125. It has been said, that a tooth-drawer was an unconscionable trade, because his business was nothing else but to take away those things whereby every man gets his living. 1126. Of all knaves, there is the greatest hope for a cobbler, for be he ever so idle, yet when he does anything, he is always mending. 1127. It being demanded of a wild young man, why he wished to sell his lands? He answered, because he hoped to go to heaven, which he could not possibly do till he forsook the earth. 1128. A merry fellow said, The ale-house was the only place to thrive in, for he had known many a score made there. 1129. A rich stationer wished himself a scholar, to whom one answered, That he was one already, being _doctus in libris_. Nay, said the stationer, I am but _dives in libris_―(meaning rich in pounds.) 1130. Before Derrick was master of the ceremonies at Bath, he went to Cambridge on a visit; his friends made him so welcome, that, owing to hard drinking, he could never rise till dinner-time; being one day asked how he liked the place? he replied, Very well, but that there was no forenoon at it. 1131. A lady having a dispute with Mr. Derrick, told him by way of joke, that if he did not give up the argument, she would put him in her patch-box. Madam, said he, you are at full liberty to do so; and should you condescend to use me as a patch, I beg you will stick me upon your lips. 1132. Mr. Derrick being one morning at a coffee-house at Bath, was much disturbed by a very noisy man who sat at a small distance from him, upon which he inquired who the spark was; they told him he was one of those gentry who are called Rooks. A Rook, sir, replied Derrick, zounds, ’tis impossible―by his chattering, I am sure he is a magpie.