1183. Some gentlemen were sitting in a coffee-house together, one was asking what news there was? The other told him, There were forty thousand men rose that day,―which made them all stare, and ask him to what end they rose, and what they intended? Why faith, said he, only to go to bed at night again. 1184. In the time of the Rump, two Rump parliament men being in a boat, said one of them, You watermen are hypocrites; for you row one way and look another. O sir, said one of the watermen, we have not plyed so long at Westminster, but we have learned something of our masters, that is, to pretend one thing and act another. 1185. A person hiring a lodging, said to the landlady, I assure you, madam, I am so much liked, that I never left a lodging but my landlady shed tears. Perhaps, said she, you always go away without paying. 1186. An alehouse girl took it into her head to be catechised at church. The parson asked her what was her name? La, sir, said she, how can you pretend not to know my name, when you come to our house so often, and cry, ten times in an evening, Nan, you slut, bring us another pot! 1187. Smiths, of all the handicraft men, are the most irregular; for they never think themselves better employed, than when they are at their vices. 1188. A child of one of the crew of his majesty’s ship Peacock, during the action with the United States vessel, Hornet, amused himself with chasing a goat between decks. Not in the least terrified by the destruction and death all around him, he persisted, till a cannon-ball came and took off both the hind legs of the goat, when seeing her disabled, he jumped astride, crying, Now I’ve caught you. 1189. Charles the Second asked Bishop Stillingfleet how it happened that he preached in general without book, but always read the sermons which he delivered before the court. The bishop answered, that the awe of seeing before him so great and wise a prince, made him afraid to trust himself. But will your majesty, continued he, permit me to ask you a question in my turn? Why do you read your speeches in parliament? Why, doctor, replied the king, I’ll tell you very candidly. I have asked them so often for money, that I am ashamed to look them in the face! 1190. The late Duchess of York having desired her housekeeper to seek out for a new laundress, a decent looking woman was recommended for the situation. But, said the housekeeper, I am afraid she will not suit your royal highness; as she is a soldier’s wife, and these people are generally loose characters. What is it you say? said the duke, who had just entered the room―a soldier’s wife! Pray, madam, what is your mistress? I desire, that the woman may be immediately engaged. 1191. A man that had been terribly troubled with lawsuits, went one day to Tyburn to see an execution, and then swore ’twas better to have to do with Tyburn than Westminster Hall; for there, suits hang half a year, but at Tyburn, half an hour’s hanging ends all.