453. The famous Captain Fitzpatrick, who married ’Squire Western’s niece, and was reckoned an excellent hand at making bulls, was walking one day with two or three ladies, a little way out of West Chester, with his hat under his arm; the wind blowing very hard, one of the ladies said, I wonder, captain, you will be so ceremonious to walk bare-headed in such boisterous weather; pray, sir, put on your hat. Arrah, by my shoul, dear madam, answered the captain, I have been after trying two or three times already, and the wind is so high, that I can’t keep my hat upon my head any longer than ’tis under my arm. 454. The same gentleman being with the aforesaid ladies, in a nobleman’s garden, where there was a large iron roller, told them, he thought it was the biggest iron rolling-stone he had ever seen in his life. 455. A philosopher being blamed by a stander-by, for defending an argument weakly against the Emperor Adrian, replied, What! would you have me contend with a man that commands thirty legions of soldiers? 456. A painter turned physician; upon which change, a friend applauded him, saying, You have done well, for before, your faults could be discovered by the naked eye, but now they are hid. 457. Bishop Latimer preaching at court, said, that it was reported the king was poor, and that they were seeking ways and means to make him rich; but he added, For my part, I think the best way to make the king rich, would be to give him a good post, or office, for all his officers are rich. 458. Zelim, the first of the Ottoman Emperors that shaved his beard, his predecessors having always worn it long, being asked by one of his bashaws, why he altered the custom of his predecessors? answered, Because you bashaws shall not lead me by the beard, as you did them. 459. It being told Antigonus, in order to intimidate him, as he marched to the field of battle, that the enemy would shoot such volleys of arrows, as would intercept the light of the sun. I am glad of it, replied he, for it being very hot, we shall then fight in the shade. 460. A sailor having received ten guineas for turning Roman Catholic, said to the priest who paid him the money, Sir, you ought to give me ten guineas more, because it is so hard to believe transubstantiation. 461. One seeing an affected coxcomb buying books, told him, His bookseller was properly his upholsterer, for he furnished his room rather than his head. 462. An arch wag once said, That tailors were like woodcocks, for they got their sustenance by their long bills. 463. A complaint being made to the court of Spain of a certain Viceroy of Mexico, the Secretary of State, who was his friend, wrote him word, that he was accused at court of having extorted great sums of money from the people under his government; which I hope, said the Secretary, is true, or else you are undone.