608. Atterbury, Bishop of Rochester, when a certain bill was brought into the House of Lords, said, among other things, That he prophesied last winter this bill would be attempted in the present session, and he was sorry to find that he had proved a true prophet. Lord Coningsby, who spoke after the bishop, and always spoke in a passion, desired the house to remark, That his right reverend friend had set himself forth as a prophet; but for his part he did not know what prophet to liken him to, unless to that furious prophet, Balaam, who was reproved by his own ass. The bishop, in a reply, with great wit and calmness, exposed this rude attack, concluding thus:―Since the noble lord had discovered in our manners such a similitude, I am content to be compared to the prophet Balaam; but, my lords, I am at a loss to make out the other part of the parallel; where is the ass? I am sure I have been reproved by nobody but his lordship. 609. A man in the habit of travelling, complained to his friend, that he had often been robbed, and was afraid of stirring abroad; he was advised to carry pistols with him on his journey. Oh! that would be still worse, replied the hero, the thieves would rob me of them also. 610. When Brennan, the noted highwayman, was taken in the south of Ireland, curiosity drew numbers to the gaol to see the man loaded with irons, who had long been a terror to the country. Among others was a banker, whose notes at that time were not held in the highest estimation, who assured the prisoner that he was very glad to see him there at last. Brennan, looking up, replied, Ah! sir, I did not expect that from you; indeed, I did not; for you well know, that when all the country refused your notes, I took them. 611. When Johnson had completed his Dictionary, the delay of which had quite exhausted the patience of Millar, the bookseller, the latter acknowledged the receipt of the last sheet in the following terms:―“Andrew Millar sends his compliments to Mr. Samuel Johnson, with the money for the last sheet of the copy of the Dictionary, and thanks God he has done with him.” To this uncourteous intimation, the doctor replied in this smart retort: “Samuel Johnson returns his compliments to Mr. Andrew Millar, and is very glad to find (as he does by his note) that Andrew Millar has the grace to thank God for anything.” 612. A man was sitting in his study at work, when one of his neighbours came running to tell him that the back part of his house must be on fire, as it smoked excessively: Oh! answered the man, be so good as to tell my wife, for I do not concern myself at all with the housekeeping. 613. An old woman that sold ale, being at church, fell asleep during the sermon, and unluckily let her old-fashioned clasped Bible fall, which making a great noise, she exclaimed, half awake, So, you jade, there’s another jug broke.