Meleager : $b A fantasy — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Meleager : $b A fantasy
John Stuart Mill · en
Our daily life at Glanymôr was placid and not unpleasant. The soft
Welsh air, the perpetual sobbing of the sea beneath our windows, the
peaceful atmosphere, the wholesome food all reacted on my over-strung
nerves, which in time began to recover their wonted tone. I was
braced by bathing in the Atlantic waters, icy-cold though they were;
I appreciated my daily walks in company with Dr Wayne along the crest
of the indented shore that faces the crags of Ynys Ilar. I mightily
preferred the cries of the curlew and guillemot to the shouting of men
and the hooting of cars in London. Altogether I was tolerably happy but
for one drawback, and this was my total inability to concentrate my
thinking powers on the very subject I had travelled hither to study.
Try as I would, I could not marshal my reasonings and calculations to
meet in one point; and so I allowed the crucial question to remain
unanswered, almost unattempted, and let myself drift with the current
of my own indecision. Instead of racking my brain, I preferred to lie
in some sheltered hollow of the rocks above the water, watching the
waves collect and disperse with half-shut eyes that idly noted the dull
yellow riband of tiny shells which marked the limits of the advancing
and receding tides along the line of cliffs. Dr Wayne, in such hours
as he could spare from his multiplicity of newspapers, was evidently
studying me and my movements with silent interest, but we rarely spoke
during our long walks above the coast-line or over the brown fallows
and stony paths of the wind-swept treeless countryside.
Thus passed day after day of that precious interregnum, which ought
to have been expended in constant deliberation and with the nicest
weighing of advantages, instead of being frittered thus in yielding
to an insistent temptation to somnolence and vacuity of mind. Perhaps
there may have been some external unsuspected force, which was being
directed against my own efforts of concentration to prevent my arriving
at any conclusion. I had been the plaything of Fate for so long that
possibly I may be excused for harbouring such a notion.
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