'The mess of pottage was not for me, Angus. It was my father's bargain,
not mine. I was told that you had done with me--that you had never
meant to marry me. Yes, Angus, your mother told me that with her own
lips--told me that she interfered to save me from misery and dishonour.
And then I was hurried off to a cheap French convent, to learn to
provide for myself. A couple of years' schooling was the price I
received for my broken heart. That was what your mother called making
me a lady. I think I should have gone mad in those two dreary years, if
it had not been for my passionate love of music. I gave myself up to
that with my whole soul; my heart was dead; and they told me I made
more progress in two years than other girls made in six. I had nothing
else to live for.'
'Except the hope of a rich husband,' said Mr. Egerton, with a sneer.
'O God, how cruel a man can to be a woman he has once loved!' cried
Mrs. Darrell passionately. 'Yes, I did marry a rich man, Angus; but I
never schemed or tried to win him. The chance came to me without a hope
or a thought of mine. It was the chance of rescue from the dreariest
life of drudgery that a poor dependent creature ever lived, and I took
it. But I have never forgotten you, Angus Egerton, not for one hour of
my life.'
'I am sorry you should have taken the trouble to remember me,' he
answered very coldly. 'For some years of my life I made it my chief
business to forget you, and all the pain connected with our
acquaintance; and having succeeded in doing that, it seems a pity that
we should disturb the stagnant waters of that dead lake which men call
the past.'
'Would to God that we had never met again!' she said.
'I can quite echo that aspiration, if we are likely to have many such
scenes as this.'
'Cruel--cruel!' she muttered. 'O Angus, I have been so patient! I have
clung to hope in the face of despair. When my husband died I fancied
your old love would reawaken. How can such things die? I thought it was
to me you would come back--to me, whom you once loved so
passionately--not to that girl. You came back to her, and still I was
patient. I set myself against her, to win back your love. Yes, Angus, I
hoped to do that till very lately. And then I began to see that it was
all useless. She is younger and handsomer than I.'
'She is better than you, Augusta. It was not her beauty that won me,
but something nobler and rarer than beauty: it was her perfect nature.
The more faulty we are ourselves, the more fondly we cling to a good
woman. But I don't want to say hard things, Augusta. Pray let us put
all this folly aside at once and for ever. You took your course in the
past, and it has landed you in a very prosperous position. Let me take
mine in the present, and let us be friends, if possible.'
'You know that it is not possible. We must be all the world to each
other, or the bitterest enemies.'
'I shall never be your enemy, Mrs. Darrell.'