Nordenholt's Million — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Nordenholt's Million
John Stuart Mill · en
As we drove westward and over the Canal, I noticed that she seemed
disinclined to talk; and as I myself was busy with my dreams, I did not
try to force the conversation. We had passed Bearsden and were in the
open country before she had spoken three sentences; and even these were
wilfully commonplace. Reflecting on this, and being myself surcharged
with emotion, I was vain enough to guess that she was thinking of me
and of what I had to tell her; for I had a curious feeling that she
must know what was in my mind. So the milestones swept by, and still
the three of us remained silent.
It was a dreary landscape through which we drove; but all landscapes in
those days were bleak and sinister. In the little wood beyond Bearsden,
the trees were uprooted and slanting here and there, owing to the new
soil giving them no support. Some, which had threatened to fall across
the road, had been cut down. Further on, the Kilpatrick Hills loomed
over us, dark from the lack of vegetation; while across the Blane
valley, once so green, the smooth folds of the Campsies lay black under
the wintry sky. Only here and there, where snow covered the ground, did
things remind one of the old days.
Past the Half Way House, along Stockiemuir with its blasted heather
under its snow, up the hill at the foot of Finnick Glen the great car
ran; and yet none of us spoke a word. Once, after that, Nordenholt gave
me a direction; and we turned off toward Loch Lomond.
When we reached the lochside, beyond Balloch, he made me stop the car.
“I’m going to get out here and walk up towards Luss,” he said. “You
take the car on to the head of the loch and pick me up on the way back.
Don’t hurry. I want some exercise.”
The door slammed; and we moved off. I looked back and saw him standing
by the water-side; and it struck me that his attitude was that of an
old man. He stood with his hands in the pockets of his motor-coat; and
his position seemed to exaggerate the stoop of his shoulders. He looked
so very, very tired. I realised, all at once, that he was ageing long
before his time, worn out by his colossal task. An emotion which was as
much dismay as pity swept over me in an instant. Then, as I watched, he
pulled himself up and stood erect again, gazing over the water to the
desolate islets. The car swung round a corner; and when I looked back
once more, he was out of sight.