"You see, Eve, I thought counting it all up that if I came home it would
cost less than going to Norderney and that all the expense of my going
to Germany and coming back is less than what it would have cost to keep
me at home for the five months I've been there--I wish you'd tell
everybody that."
6
She turned about in bed; her head was growing fevered.
She conjured up a vision of the backs of the books in the bookcase in
the dining-room at home.... Iliad and Odyssey ... people going over the
sea in boats and someone doing embroidery ... that little picture of
Hector and Andromache in the corner of a page ... he in armour ... she,
in a trailing dress, holding up her baby. Both, silly.... She wished she
had read more carefully. She could not remember anything in Lecky or
Darwin that would tell her what to do ... Hudibras ... The Atomic Theory
... Ballads and Poems, D. G. Rossetti ... Kinglake's Crimea ...
Palgrave's Arabia ... Crimea.... The Crimea.... Florence Nightingale; a
picture somewhere; a refined face, with cap and strings.... She must
have smiled.... Motley's Rise of ... Rise of ... Motley's Rise of the
Dutch Republic.... Motley's Rise of the Dutch Republic and the
Chronicles of the Schönberg-Cotta family. She held to the memory of
these two books. Something was coming from them to her. She handled the
shiny brown gold-tooled back of Motley's Rise and felt the hard graining
of the red-bound Chronicles.... There were green trees outside in the
moonlight ... in Luther's Germany ... trees and fields and German towns
and then Holland. She breathed more easily. Her eyes opened serenely.
Tranquil moonlight lay across the room. It surprised her like a sudden
hand stroking her brow. It seemed to feel for her heart. If she gave way
to it her thoughts would go. Perhaps she ought to watch it and let her
thoughts go. It passed over her trouble like her mother did when she
said, "Don't go so deeply into everything, chickie. You must learn to
take life as it comes. Ah-eh if I were strong I could show you how to
enjoy life...." Delicate little mother, running quickly downstairs
clearing her throat to sing. But mother did not know. She had no
reasoning power. She could not help because she did not know. The
moonlight was sad and hesitating. Miriam closed her eyes again. Luther
... pinning up that notice on a church door.... (Why is Luther like a
dyspeptic blackbird? Because the Diet of Worms did not agree with him)
... and then leaving the notice on the church door and going home to tea
... coffee ... some evening meal ... Käthe ... Käthe ... happy Käthe....
They pinned up that notice on a Roman Catholic church ... and all the
priests looked at them ... and behind the priests were torture and dark
places ... Luther looking up to God ... saying you couldn't get away
from your sins by paying money ... standing out in the world and Käthe
making the meal at home ... Luther was fat and German. Perhaps his face