Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four Million
John Stuart Mill · en
“What? The old man’s daughter. Comes in the shop every day. About
nineteen, and the picture of the blonde that sits on the palisades of
the Rhine and charms the clam-diggers into the surf. Hair the color of
straw matting, and eyes as black and shiny as the best harness
blacking—think of that!
“Me? well, it’s either me or Bill Watson. She treats us both equal.
Bill is all to the psychopathic about her; and me?—well, you saw me
plating the roadbed of the Great Maroon Way with silver to-night. That
was on account of Laura. I was spiflicated, Your Highness, and I wot
not of what I wouldst.
“How? Why, old Hildebrandt says to me and Bill this afternoon: ‘Boys,
one riddle have I for you gehabt haben. A young man who cannot riddles
antworten, he is not so good by business for ein family to provide—is
not that—hein?’ And he hands us a riddle—a conundrum, some calls it—and
he chuckles interiorly and gives both of us till to-morrow morning to
work out the answer to it. And he says whichever of us guesses the
repartee end of it goes to his house o’ Wednesday night to his
daughter’s birthday party. And it means Laura for whichever of us goes,
for she’s naturally aching for a husband, and it’s either me or Bill
Watson, for old Hildebrant likes us both, and wants her to marry
somebody that’ll carry on the business after he’s stitched his last
pair of traces.
“The riddle? Why, it was this: ‘What kind of a hen lays the longest?
Think of that! What kind of a hen lays the longest? Ain’t it like a
Dutchman to risk a man’s happiness on a fool proposition like that?
Now, what’s the use? What I don’t know about hens would fill several
incubators. You say you’re giving imitations of the old Arab guy that
gave away—libraries in Bagdad. Well, now, can you whistle up a fairy
that’ll solve this hen query, or not?”
When the young man ceased the Margrave arose and paced to and fro by
the park bench for several minutes. Finally he sat again, and said, in
grave and impressive tones:
“I must confess, sir, that during the eight years that I have spent in
search of adventure and in relieving distress I have never encountered
a more interesting or a more perplexing case. I fear that I have
overlooked hens in my researches and observations. As to their habits,
their times and manner of laying, their many varieties and
cross-breedings, their span of life, their—”
“Oh, don’t make an Ibsen drama of it!” interrupted the young man,
flippantly. “Riddles—especially old Hildebrant’s riddles—don’t have to
be worked out seriously. They are light themes such as Sim Ford and
Harry Thurston Peck like to handle. But, somehow, I can’t strike just
the answer. Bill Watson may, and he may not. To-morrow will tell. Well,
Your Majesty, I’m glad anyhow that you butted in and whiled the time
away. I guess Mr. Al Rashid himself would have bounced back if one of
his constituents had conducted him up against this riddle. I’ll say
good night. Peace fo’ yours, and what-you-may-call-its of Allah.”