Two dogs fell to fighting in a saw-mill. In the course of the tustle one dog went plump against a saw in rapid motion, which cut him in two instanter. The hind legs ran away, but the fore legs continued the fight, and whipped the other dog. A NOTE BY THE EDITOR.--453. The editor of a Western paper owes a bank about 1000 dollars, for which they hold his note. The defaulting wag announces it thus in his paper:--"There is a large collection of the autographs of distinguished individuals deposited for safe keeping in the cabinet of the Farmers and Merchants' Bank, each accompanied with a 'note' in the handwriting of the autographist. We learn that they have cost the bank a great deal of money. They paid over a thousand dollars of ours. We hope great care is taken to preserve those capital and _interest_-ing relics, as, should they be lost, we doubt whether they could be easily collected again. Should the bank, however, be so unfortunate as to lose ours, we'll let them have another at half price, in consequence of the very hard times." DISCONSOLATE.--454. A disconsolate widower, seeing the remains of his late wife lowered into the grave, exclaimed, with tears in his eyes, "Well, I've lost hogs, and I've lost cows, but I never had anything that cut me up like this." INDUCEMENT UNNECESSARY.--455. They say that woman caused man to commit his first sin. But if she hadn't induced him to sin in eating, no doubt he would very soon have sinned of his own accord in drinking. PRETENCE.--456. Pretend you know, and half the time, if it aint as good as knowin', it will sarve the same purpose. Many a feller looks fat who is only swelled, as the Germans say.--_Sam Slick._ "OPEN THY CUPBOARD TO ME."--457. All lonely and drear is the street, love; The "watch" is asleep on his "beat," love, And I'm dying for something to eat, love; So open thy cupboard to me. Get up from that warm feather bed, love, And bake us a cone of "corn bread," love, For I wish very much to be fed, love; So open thy cupboard to me. Oh, hasten thy lover to cram, love, With a slice of cold turkey or ham, love, For deucedly hungry I am, love; So open thy cupboard to me. The stars are beginning to "wink," love; 'Tis the hour for "snacks" and for "drink," love. You've a jug of old whisky, I think, love; So open thy cupboard to me. The moon will be down before long, love, And the "night-bird" is singing his song, love; How plainly he says "mix it strong," love, And open thy cupboard to me. My feet are all wet with the dew, love, And there's nothing so nice as "hot stew," love: Then get up and make it, pray do, love, And open thy cupboard to me.