The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
John Stuart Mill · en
The _New York Herald's_ Morris Island correspondent relates as follows
an incident of the operations at Charleston:--Quite an uproar was
occasioned in the rear of the _Herald's_ tent here yesterday. General
Terry, whose head-quarters adjoin those of your correspondent, has a
sable cook, who wanted some lead for his fishing-tackle, and undertook
to melt some from the outside of a ten-pound Parrot shell, which he
discovered lying about the camp. Placing the projectile in a stove,
and seating himself where he could catch the molten metal in a shovel
as it fell, he soon had the satisfaction of seeing one of the most
startling views ever brought to his vision. The shell exploded, and
besides blowing the stove and cookhouse to atoms, inflicted serious
wounds upon the darkey. My servant, a contraband from Beaufort, gave
vent to the universal sentiment, while he was surveying the wreck
which the explosion occasioned, and from which we so narrowly escaped,
in the following sage remark:--"De dam ole fool, come clar gown yere
f'm Bos'n an' put a shell in de stove!" If General Terry's niggers
continue to obtain their "sinkers" in this manner, you may expect to
hear that the _Herald's_ head-quarters have been removed.
DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND.--144.
In New York, a quick-witted toper went into a bar-room and called
for something to drink. "We don't sell liquor," said the law-evading
landlord; "we will give you a glass, and then if you want a cracker
(a biscuit) we'll sell it you for three cents." The "good creature"
was handed down, and our hero took a stiff horn; when, turning round
to depart, the unsuspecting landlord handed him the dish of crackers,
with the remark, "You'll buy a cracker?" "Well, no, I guess not;
you sell 'em too dear. I can get lots on 'm five or six for a cent
anywhere else."
EDITORIAL TRIBULATIONS.--145.
The editor of the _American Mechanic_ has encountered trials unknown
to ordinary men. Just hearken unto his wailings:--"Owing to the
fact that our paper-maker disappointed us, the failure of the mails
deprived us of our exchanges, a Dutch pedlar stole our scissors, the
rats ran off with the paste, and the devils went to the circus, while
the editor was at home tending the baby, our paper is unavoidably
postponed beyond the period of its publication."
SAMBO AND CUFFEE.--146.