The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
John Stuart Mill · en
Varnum S. Mills, of this city, tells a story illustrative of the
simplicity of Virginia niggers. He was visiting a friend in the Old
Dominion, who owns many slaves, among whom were two, named Sambo and
Cuffee, who seemed to be mortal enemies. Sambo was a favourite with
the master, who one day said to him: "Sambo, you have always been a
good nigger, and when you die you shall have a funeral. My family will
all attend, and all the niggers shall be present, and Cuffee shall
be a pall-bearer." The darkey looked his master in the face with the
simplicity of a soft clam when dug out of the mud at low tide, and
indignantly responded: "Massa, if Cuffee comes to de funeril, I won't
go to the grabe." It apparently did not occur to Sambo that he should
be "conveyed" thither.
AN ODE ON GAS.--147.
A country town having been recently lighted with gas, the local editor
electrifies the community with an ode:
"Luminous blaze!
I never seen the like in all my born days!
Tallow candles ain't no mor'n tar
When you're about;
And spirit lamps is no whar,
Bein clean dun out.
"Sparkling lite!
I think I never seen anything half so brite;
Everything is amazing clear;
The hidjus glume
Is defunct; and every cheer
Is apparient in the rume!
"Gloryous halo!
Your skintelashuns make a surprising display;
You don't need no snuffers,
But you are just scrude out;
When you are squenched by puffers,
Ojus fumes aryse.
"Brillyant flame!
The nites was next to darkness when you came;
But candles has vanisht
Before you, and lard oil gone to grass;
Every greasy nuisance has been banisht--
Hurraw for Gass!"
CURIOSITIES OF AMERICAN SPEECH.--148.