Mr. Lincoln, in his happier moments, is not always reminded of a "little story," but often indulges in a veritable joke. One of the latest reported is his remark when he found himself attacked by the varioloid. He had been recently very much worried by people asking favours. "Well," said he, when the contagious disease was coming upon him, "I've got something now that I can give to everybody." About the time when there was considerable grumbling as to the delay in forwarding to the troops the money due to them, a western paymaster, in full major's attire, was one day introduced at a public reception. "Being here, Mr. Lincoln," said he, "I thought I'd call and pay my respects." "From the complaints of the soldiers," responded the President, "I guess that's about all any of you do pay." The President is rather vain of his height, but one day a young man called on him who was certainly three inches taller than the former; he was like the mathematical definition of the straight line--length without breadth. "Really," said Mr. Lincoln, "I must look up to you; if you ever get in a deep place you ought to be able to wade out." That reminds us of the story told of Mr. Lincoln somewhere, when a crowd called him out. He came out on the balcony with his wife (somewhat below medium height), and made the following "brief remarks:"--"Here I am, and here is Mrs. Lincoln. That's the long and short of it." OPENNESS OF COUNTENANCE.--197. "Well, how do you like the looks of the varmint?" said a south-wester to a down-easter, who was gazing with round-eyed wonder, and evidently for the first time, at a huge alligator, with wide open jaws, on the muddy banks of the Mississippi. "Wal," replied the Yankee, "he ain't what yeow call a handsome critter, but he's got a great deal of openness when he smiles." HOLDING THE STAKES.--198. An individual at the races was staggering about the track, with more liquor than he could carry. "Hallo, what's the matter now?" said a chap whom the inebriated man had run against. "Why--hic--why, the fact is--hic--a lot of my friends have been betting liquor on the race to-day, and they have got me to hold the stakes." THE JUDGE AND HIS COACHMAN.--199.