When the editor of the _Bulletin_ said, "We are under conviction that," &c., the editor of the _Sunday Mercury_ retorted: "This is not the first time that the editor of the _Bulletin_ has been _under conviction_!" A LEGAL TOAST.--233. At a recent railroad dinner, in compliment to the legal fraternity, the toast was given:--"An honest lawyer, the noblest work of God;" but an old farmer in the back part of the hall rather spoiled the effect by adding, in a loud voice, "And about the scarcest." RATHER 'CUTE.--234. A Western editor was recently requested to send his paper to a distant patron, provided he would take his pay in "trade." At the end of the year he found that his new subscriber was a coffin maker. NOVEL HINT FROM THE PULPIT.--235. The _Seneca Advertiser_ tells the following:--The pastor of a certain church not a thousand miles from this place a few Sabbaths ago, when about to baptize a child, reproved the flock in the following fashion:--"My dear people, I fear that you are neglecting parental duties, as this is only the second child presented for baptism during my pastoral connection with this church." (Sensation among the crinoline.) TIRED OF HIS BOARDING-HOUSE.--236. A prisoner of war advertises from Johnson's Island, in a New York journal, for a substitute to take his place in the military prison there:--"Wanted.--A substitute to stay here in my place. He must be 30 years old; have a good moral character; A 1 digestive powers, and not addicted to writing poetry. To such a one all the advantages of a strict retirement, army rations, and unmitigated watchfulness to prevent them from getting lost, are offered for an indefinite period. Address me at Block 1, Room 12, Johnson's Island Military Prison, at any time for the next three years, enclosing half a dozen postage stamps.--ASA HARTZ." THE AMERICAN PLATFORMS.--237. The _Croydon Democrat_ publishes the following platform arranged to suit all parties. The first column is the Secession platform, the second is the Abolition platform; and the whole read together is the Democratic platform. The platform is like the Union--as a whole it is Democratic, but divided, one half is Secession, and the other Abolition:--