A clergyman was lately depicting before a deeply-interested audience the alarming increase of intemperance, when he astonished his hearers by exclaiming: "A young woman in my neighbourhood died very suddenly last Sabbath, while I was preaching the gospel in a state of beastly intoxication!" PERSONAL.--259. A contemporary having published a long leader on "hogs," a rival paper in the same village upbraids him for obtruding his family matters upon the public. AWKWARD COINCIDENCE.--260. An American divine preached one Sunday morning from the text--"Ye are the children of the devil," and in the afternoon, by a funny coincidence, from the words, "Children, obey your parents." HOW TO GET A SEAT BY THE FIRE.--261. A traveller came into a country hotel in Wisconsin upon a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire, whereupon he called to the ostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse. "Will your horse eat oysters?" replied the ostler. "Try him," said the gentleman. The loafing guests running immediately to see this wonder, the fireside was cleared, and the gentleman had his choice of seats. The ostler brought back the oysters, and said the horse would not touch them. "Won't he?" said the stranger. "Why, then, bring them here; I shall be forced to eat them myself." RIVALLING NATURE.--262. Cotton being scarce, a Yankee "patriot" has invented, and is selling like hot dumplings, india-rubber breastworks for ladies, as his advertisement says:--"Rivalling nature in grace, shape, and elasticity!" THE SUBLIME AND RIDICULOUS.--263. "Woman is most beautiful when in tears, like a rose wet with the crystal dew."--_Mobile Examiner._ "We suppose the editor of the _Examiner_ whips his wife every Sunday to make her look beautiful."--_Baltimore Sun._ A SENSIBLE WOMAN.--264. A lady that would please herself in marrying was warned that her intended, although a good sort of a man, was very singular. "Well," replied the lady, "if he is very much unlike other men, he is much more likely to be a good husband." ANOTHER DISCOVERY.--265. The other day a crowd was assembled around a drunken man lying at full length in the street. They resorted to every known means to arouse him; they rubbed his ears, then his hands, and shook him violently, but all to no avail, for John Whisky had got too strong a hold on him. Presently, a boy came along who was selling brewers' yeast, which he carried in a pail. "What's the matter?" queried the hopeful; "can't you get him up? Well, I can. If this yeast won't raise him, he's a goner, for it'll raise anything that ever grew." Accordingly, he poured about half a pint down the man's neck, and, sure enough, to the surprise of all, it raised him instantly, and he went on his way, growing taller every minute. UNNECESSARY APPREHENSION.--266.