The Cryptogram: A Novel — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Cryptogram: A Novel
John Stuart Mill · en
"Let me do justice to the Hindu. You have spoken of her
sometimes--not often, however, and I thank you for it--as a loving
daughter to you. I thank her for that, I am sure. Small comfort,
however, is this to me. If she were now an angel from heaven, she
could not fill the place of Inez.
"Forgive me, dear father. This shall be the last of complaints.
Henceforth I am ready to bear my griefs. I am ready for the
sacrifice. I can not see _her_ yet, but when I reach England I must
see you somehow. If you can not meet me, you must manage to send her
off to Pomeroy, so that I may see you in peace. With you I will
forget my sorrows, and will be again a light-hearted boy.
"Let me assure you that I mean to keep my promise made years ago when
I was a boy. It shall be the effort of my life to make my wife happy.
Whether I succeed or not will be another thing. But I must have time.
"No more now. I have written about this for the first and the last
time. Give my warmest and fondest love to nurse. I hope to see you
soon, and remain, dear father,
"Your affectionate son,
"Guy Molyneux."
For some time after reading this letter Zillah sat as if stunned. At
first she seemed scarcely able to take in its full meaning.
Gradually, however, it dawned upon her to its widest extent. This,
then, was the future that lay before her, and this was the man for
whose arrival she had been looking with such mingled feelings. Little
need was there now for mingled feelings. She knew well with what
feeling to expect him. She had at times within the depths of her
heart formed an idea that her life would not be loveless; but
now--but now--This man who was her husband, and the only one to whom
she could look for love--this man turned from her in horror; he hated
her, he loathed her--worse, he looked upon her as a Hindu--worse
still, if any thing could be worse, his hate and his loathing were
made eternal; for he loved another with the ardor of a first fresh
love, and his wife seemed to him a demon full of malignity, who stood
between him and the angel of his heart and the heaven of his desires.
His words of despair rang within her ears. The opprobrious epithets
which he applied to her stung her to the quick. Passionate and
hot-hearted, all her woman's nature rose up in arms at this horrible,
this unlooked-for assault. All her pride surged up within her in deep
and bitter resentment. Whatever she might once have been, she felt
that she was different now, and deserved not this. At this moment she
would have given worlds to be able to say to him, "You are free. Go,
marry the woman whom you love." But it was too late.
Not the least did she feel Guy's declaration that he would try to
make her happy. Her proud spirit chafed most at this. He was going to
treat her with patient forbearance, and try to conceal his
abhorrence. Could she endure this? Up and down the room she paced,
with angry vehemence, asking herself this question.