The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
It was not immediate death that had alighted, but death’s forerunner,
paralysis. I realized this in a moment. The mute and stricken figure;
the closed eyes; the darkly flushed face wrenched to the right and the
flapping breath issuing one-sided from the lips--I needed no
experience to read the meaning of these.
I ran to the head of the stairs and shrieked to old Peggy to come up.
Then I hurried to the dressing-table and lighted a candle that stood
thereon. As I took it in my hand to approach the bed, a pane in the
lattice behind me went with a splintering noise, and something whizzed
past my head like a hornet, and a fragment of plaster spun from the
wall near. At the same instant a little muffled sound, no louder in
the tumult of hail than the smack of an elastic band on paper, came
from the street outside.
Instinctively I winced and dodged, not knowing for the moment what had
happened, then in the midst of my distraction, fury seized me like a
snake.
The blind was up; my figure plainly visible from the bridge as I
crossed the room. The madman outside had shot at me, whether from pure
deviltry or because he took me for Jason I neither knew nor cared.
Coming on the head of my trouble, the deed seemed wantonly diabolical.
Had I been master of my actions I think I should then and there have
rushed forth and grappled with the evil creature and crushed the life
out of him. As it was I ran to the window and dashed it open and
leaned forth.
He was there on the bridge still; standing up in the pelting storm;
bare-headed, fantastic--a thing of nameless expression.
I shrieked to him and cursed him. I menaced him with my fists. For the
moment I was near as much madman as he.
Perhaps some words of my outcry reached him through the hurtling of
the storm. Perhaps he recognized me, for I saw him shrink down and
cower behind the stones of the bridge. I rattled to the window, pulled
down the blind and turned myself to the stricken figure on the bed. As
I did so old Peggy came breathing and shambling into the room.
“What’s to do?” she said, coughing feebly and glaring at me. “What’s
to do, Renalt?”
“Look there! What’s happened--what’s the matter with him? It is death,
perhaps!”
She shuffled to the bedside, holding in her groaning chest with one
hand. For a minute she must have stood gazing down.
“Ay,” she said at last, leering round at me. “The Lord mistook the
room, looking in at winder. Ralph it was were wanted--not old Peggy,
praise to His goodness.”
“Is he dying?”
“Maybe--maybe not yet awhile. The dumbstroke have tuk him.”
“Paralysis?”
“So they carls it. Better ax the doctor.”
“Look you to him, then, and look well, while I run out to seek for
one. I leave him in your charge.”
I took her by the arm and stared in her face as I spoke. My expression
must have been frowning and threatening, but indeed I mistrusted the
old vagabond. She shrunk from me with a twitch of fear.