The Mill on the Floss — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Mill on the Floss
John Stuart Mill · en
“I wish we could have been friends,—I mean, if it would have been good
and right for us. But that is the trial I have to bear in everything; I
may not keep anything I used to love when I was little. The old books
went; and Tom is different, and my father. It is like death. I must
part with everything I cared for when I was a child. And I must part
with you; we must never take any notice of each other again. That was
what I wanted to speak to you for. I wanted to let you know that Tom
and I can’t do as we like about such things, and that if I behave as if
I had forgotten all about you, it is not out of envy or pride—or—or any
bad feeling.”
Maggie spoke with more and more sorrowful gentleness as she went on,
and her eyes began to fill with tears. The deepening expression of pain
on Philip’s face gave him a stronger resemblance to his boyish self,
and made the deformity appeal more strongly to her pity.
“I know; I see all that you mean,” he said, in a voice that had become
feebler from discouragement; “I know what there is to keep us apart on
both sides. But it is not right, Maggie,—don’t you be angry with me, I
am so used to call you Maggie in my thoughts,—it is not right to
sacrifice everything to other people’s unreasonable feelings. I would
give up a great deal for _my_ father; but I would not give up a
friendship or—or an attachment of any sort, in obedience to any wish of
his that I didn’t recognise as right.”
“I don’t know,” said Maggie, musingly. “Often, when I have been angry
and discontented, it has seemed to me that I was not bound to give up
anything; and I have gone on thinking till it has seemed to me that I
could think away all my duty. But no good has ever come of that; it was
an evil state of mind. I’m quite sure that whatever I might do, I
should wish in the end that I had gone without anything for myself,
rather than have made my father’s life harder to him.”
“But would it make his life harder if we were to see each other
sometimes?” said Philip. He was going to say something else, but
checked himself.
“Oh, I’m sure he wouldn’t like it. Don’t ask me why, or anything about
it,” said Maggie, in a distressed tone. “My father feels so strongly
about some things. He is not at all happy.”
“No more am I,” said Philip, impetuously; “I am not happy.”
“Why?” said Maggie, gently. “At least—I ought not to ask—but I’m very,
very sorry.”
Philip turned to walk on, as if he had not patience to stand still any
longer, and they went out of the hollow, winding amongst the trees and
bushes in silence. After that last word of Philip’s, Maggie could not
bear to insist immediately on their parting.