"Perhaps you're right," he replied quietly. He had spoken in a stiff and
constrained manner, with little show of his suffering, yet all the
while he felt that a band of iron was fastened across his brain, and the
physical effect of this pressure was almost unendurable. He wanted to
ease his swollen heart by some passionate outburst, but an obstinate
instinct, which was beyond his control, prevented his making a
ridiculous display of his emotion. The desire to curse aloud, to hurl
defiant things at a personal deity, was battling within him, but instead
of yielding to it he merely repeated:
"I reckon you're right--it wouldn't be fair to you in the end."
"I hope you haven't any hard feeling toward me," she said presently,
sweetly commonplace.
"Oh no, I haven't any hard feeling. Good-bye, Molly."
"Good-bye, Abel."
Turning away from her, he walked rapidly back along the short grassy
path over the snowdrops. As she watched him, a lump rose in her throat,
and she asked herself what would happen if she were to call after him,
and when he looked round, run straight into his arms? She wanted to run
into his arms, but her knowledge of herself told her that once there she
would not want to stay. The sense of bondage would follow--on his part
the man's effort to dominate; on hers the woman's struggle for the
integrity of personality. As long as he did not possess her she knew
that emotion would remain paramount over judgment--that the longing to
win her would triumph over the desire to improve what he had won. But
once surrendered, the very strength and singleness of his love would
bring her to cage. The swallow flights and the freedom of the sky would
be over, and she would either beat her wings hopelessly against the
bars, or learn to eat from his hand, to sing presently at his whistle.
Had passion urged her, this hesitancy would have been impossible. Then
she would either have seen none of these things, or, having seen them,
she would have dared greatly. She was too cool, too clear-sighted,
perhaps, for a heroine of romance. The single virtue that has fed
vampire-like on the blood of the others, the abject attitude of the
heart, the moral chicanery of sex--she would have none of these things.
"I am very fond of him, but I want to live--to live," she said, raising
her arms with a free movement to the sky, while she looked after his
figure. "Poor Abel," she added after a moment, "he will never get over
it."
Then, while the sigh of compassion was still on her lips, she was
arrested by a scene which occurred in the sunny meadow. From the brook
a woman's form had risen like a startled rabbit at Abel's approach,
wavering against the background of willows, as if uncertain whether to
advance or to retreat. The next instant, as though in obedience to some
mental change, it came quickly forward and faced the miller with an
upward movement of the hands to shelter a weeping face.