In spite of her blue dress, in spite of the flush in her cheeks and
the luminous softness in her eyes, the joy in her bosom fluttered on
crippled wings. Gay was kind, he was gentle, he was even solicitous on
the rare occasions when she saw him; but somehow--in some way, it was
different from the ideal marriage of which she had dreamed. If he was
kind, he was also casual. She had hoped once that love would fill her
life, and now, to her despair, it looked as if it might be poured into
a tea-cup. She had imagined that it would move mountains, and the most
ordinary detail of living was sufficient to thrust it out of sight.
When she reached the brook, she saw Gay coming slowly along the Haunt's
Walk, to the spring. As he walked, he blew little clouds of smoke into
the air, and she thought, as he approached her, that the smell of his
cigar was unlike the cigar of any other man she knew--that it possessed,
in itself, a quality that was exciting and romantic. This trait in
his personality--a disturbing suggestion of the atmosphere of a richer
world--had fascinated her from the beginning, and after eighteen months
of repeated disappointments, it still held her, though she struggled now
in its power like a hare in a trap.
"So you're here!" he exclaimed as he reached her. Then, after a swift
glance over the fields, he drew her into the shelter of the trees, and
holding his cigar in his left hand, kissed her lips.
Closing her eyes, she leaned against him, while the scent of tobacco
intoxicated her with its train of happier associations.
"You're looking all right, though your letters have been rather jumpy.
My dear girl, when you pounce on me like that you frighten me out of my
wits. You really mustn't, you know."
"O Jonathan!" she gasped, and clung to him.
"Why, I had to manufacture some excuse on the instant for coming down. I
couldn't tell what foolishness you'd be capable of if I didn't."
His tone was half caressing, yet beneath it there was a serious
annoyance, which killed the suffering joy in her heart. She was slowly
learning that it is not safe to remind the man of pleasure of his
obligations, since he is attracted chiefly by his opportunities.
"The time was when you wanted to come just as much as I," she said.
"Don't I still? Haven't I proved it by telling a tremendous lie and
rushing down here on the first train? Come, now, kiss me like a good
girl and look cheerful. You've got to make up, you know, for all the
trouble you've put me to."
She kissed him obediently, yielding to his casual embraces with a
docility that would have charmed him had his passion been in its
beginning instead of its decline.
"You're glad now you came, aren't you?" she asked presently pleading to
be reassured.
"Oh, yes, of course, I like it, but you mustn't write to me that way
again."