The Miller Of Old Church — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Miller Of Old Church
John Stuart Mill · en
Suddenly, as though a screw had loosened in his brain, he felt his
passion slip the control of his will and beat down, one by one, the
orderly procession of reasons that had risen against it. A sense of
exhilaration, of joy so fierce that it was akin to pain, took possession
of him. "I won't go back!" he said defiantly, "I won't go back!" And
with the words his longing for Molly was swallowed up in the tumultuous
consciousness of his release. It was as if he had burst his bonds by a
single effort of strength, and was stretching his cramped limbs in the
open. The idea of escape from captivity was so strong, that he looked
neither to right or left of him, but kept his gaze fixed on the road
straight ahead, as a man does who saves his energy for the final break
from his pursuers. At the moment he would have bartered his soul in
exchange for the unholy, the nameless rapture of the vagabond and the
gipsy, of all the neglected and the despised of civilization. Duty,
love, ambition--all these were nothing beside the perfect, the
incommunicable passion of the open road!
It is a mood that comes once to every man--to some men more
frequently--a mood in which the prehistoric memory of the soul is
stirred, and an intolerable longing arises for the ancient nomadic
freedom of the race; when the senses surfeited by civilization cry out
for the strong meat of the jungle--for the scent of the raw, dark earth
and for the gleam of the yellow moonlight on the wet, rustling leaves.
This longing may come but once in adolescence, or many times until
the frost of age has withered the senses. It may come amid the showery
warmth and the roving fragrance of an April day, or beside the shining,
brown, leaf-strewn brooks of November. But let it come to a man when
it will, and that man renounces, in spite of himself, his little leaden
gods of prosperity, and in his heart, beneath the woven garment of
custom, he exchanges his birthright of respectability for a mess of
Romany pottage. Under the luminous sweep and rush of this vision, Abel
laughed suddenly at the thought of his marriage to Judy. Obstacles which
had appeared insurmountable at sunrise, showed now as unsubstantial and
evanescent as shadows.
"I won't go back!" he repeated exultantly, "I won't go back!"
"You're talkin' to yo'self, mister," said a voice at his side, and
looking down he saw a small barefooted boy, in overalls, with a bag of
striped purple calico hanging from one shoulder.
"You've been talkin' to yo'self all along the road," the boy repeated
with zest.
"Have I? What are you up to?"
"I've been chinquapinin'. Ma, she thinks I'm at school, but I ain't."
He looked up wickedly, bubbling over with the shameless joys of truancy.
"Thar's a lot of chinquapin bushes over yonder in Cobblestone's wood an'
they're chock full of nuts."
"And they're in your bag now, I suppose?"