The Miller Of Old Church — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Miller Of Old Church
John Stuart Mill · en
Sarah was stirring the gruel, and she appeared so absorbed in her task
that the remark she let fall a minute later bore presumably no relation
to the conversation.
"I sometimes think men ain't got any mo' sense than an unborn babe!" she
observed.
Taking the cup from her hands, Abel went up the little staircase to the
bedroom, where Judy stood before the bureau, with a long black-headed
hat pin in her hand. She had evidently not begun to undress, for her hat
was still on her head, and under the heavy shadow of the brim her eyes
looked back at her husband with an accusing and hostile expression.
"Drink this, Judy, while it is hot," he said kindly, placing the cup on
the bureau.
"I don't want it," she answered, and her voice sounded as if she were
ready to burst again into tears.
"Are you sick?"
"No."
"I'm going to sleep in the attic. Call me if you want anything."
Without replying she took off her hat and placed it on the top shelf
in the wardrobe. Had he beaten her she felt that she could almost have
loved him, but the primitive sex instinct in her was outraged by his
gentleness.
"Has anybody hurt your feelings?" asked Abel, turning suddenly on his
way to the door.
"No."
"Then, for God's sake, what is it?" he demanded, at his wit's end. "You
look as if you'd lost the last friend you had on earth."
At this she broke into hard dry sobs which rattled in her throat before
they escaped. A spasm of self-pity worked convulsively in her bosom,
and, turning away, she buried her face in her arms, while the long,
agonized tremors shook her slender figure. Looking at her, he remembered
bitterly that he had married Judy in order to make her happy. By the
sacrifice of his own inclinations he had achieved this disastrous
result. If he had tried to do evil instead of good, he could hardly have
wrought more irreparable mischief--and with the thought, pity, which had
led him astray, winged off, like an ironic sprite, and left his heart
empty of comfort.
"God knows I am sorry for you, Judy," he said in the effort to reinforce
his compassion.
But Judy, though she was avid of sympathy, did not crave an expression
of it from her husband--for her temperament was of the morbid kind
that is happiest when it is most miserable. Her heart had fed upon the
sustenance of her brain until the abnormal enlargement of that single
organ had prepared her for inevitable suffering at the hands of men--if
not from actual unkindness, yet from an amiable neglect which could
cut even more deeply. She turned in the direction of sentiment as
instinctively as a plant turns toward light, and the Reverend Orlando
Mullen had had predecessors in her affections who had been hardly so
much as aware of her existence.