The Millionaire Baby — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Millionaire Baby
John Stuart Mill · en
I had no heart to kill him; he was young and he was frightened. I heard
the sob in his throat as I dropped my arm and he went flying down to the
river.
This was child's play; the rest--
My portion is to tell it; forty years ago it all befell, and till now no
word of it has ever left my lips.
There was no sound of her advancing tread across the lawn as I stepped
back into my own grounds to enter the pavilion. But as I left the path
and put foot inside the wall, I heard a far, faint sound like the harsh
closing of a door in timid hands, followed by another bark from the
dog, louder and sharper than the first--for he did not recognize my
Aline as mistress, though I had striven for six months to teach him the
place she held in my heart.
By this I knew she was coming, and that what preparations I had to make
must be made soon. They were not many. Entering the well-known place, I
lit the lantern I had brought with me and set it down near the door. It
cast a feeble light about the entrance, but left great shadows in the
rear. This I had calculated on, and into these shadows I now stepped.
The pavilion, as you remember it, is not what it was then. I had used it
little, fancying more my own library up at the house, but it was not
utterly without furnishings, and to young eyes might even look
attractive, with love, or fancied love, to mellow its harsh lines and
lend romance to its solitude. At this hour and under these circumstances
it was a dismal hole to me; and as I stood there waiting, I thought how
the place fitted the deed--if deed it was to be.
I had always thought her timid, afraid of the night and all threatening
things. But as I listened to the sound of her soft footfall at the door,
I realized that even her breast could grow strong under the influence of
a real or fancied passion. It was a shock--but I did not cry out--only
set my teeth together and turned a little so that what light there was
would fall on my form rather than on my face.
She entered; I felt rather than heard the tremulous push she gave to the
door, and the quick drawing in of her breath as she put her foot across
the threshold. These sapped my courage. This fear, this almost
hesitation, drew me from thoughts of myself to thoughts of her, and it
was in a daze of mingled purposes and regrets that I felt her at last at
my side.
"Walter!" fell softly, doubtfully from her lips.
It was the name of him the dip of whose oars as he made for his boat I
could now faintly hear in the river below us.
Turning, I looked her in the face.
"You are late," said I. God gave me words in my extremity. "Walter has
gone." Then, as the madness of terror replaced love in her eyes, I
lifted her forcibly and carried her to the window, where I drew aside
the vines. "That is his boat's lantern you see drawing away from the
dock. I bade him God-speed. He will not come again."