The Senator's Bride — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Senator's Bride
John Stuart Mill · en
It is a peculiarity of Grace's constitution or temperament that she can
never keep still under the pressure of excitement or trouble. She is
always in a quiver, and even when sitting down she is always rocking
or tapping her foot, or perhaps it is only in the convulsive pressure
of her pearly teeth on her red lips that she betrays inward unrest. I
cannot give any psychological nor physical reason for this. I only know
that it is so, and Lulu had found out this characteristic of Grace long
ago.
"Darling," she says, coming into the room, swinging her broad straw hat
by its blue ribbons. "Darling, what is it that troubles you?--anything
new?"
"Anything new?" Mrs. Winans laughs, provokingly. "Lulu, dearest, is
there anything new under the sun?"
"I am certain the sun never shone on anything before as rare as
yourself," Lulu answers, with winning affection, lifting the small,
half-gloved hand to her tender lips.
Mrs. Winans pulls it away, and dashes it across eyes that look
suspiciously misty and dark.
"Don't, Lulu, you silly child! You are always making me cry."
"And I wish I could," she answers. "I am tired of this surface gayety,
my liege lady. Oh, I am going to talk plainly! You don't mean it--I
know how you suffer, Grace, darling, bravely as you repress it, and I
know, too, that you would feel better if you let it all blow over in
a great passionate storm--rain! But you won't. You have been living
the last few months in a whirl of gayety and pretended pleasure, and
damming up the fountain of feeling, till now it is breaking over all
your frail barriers of pride and scorn, and you will not give it way,
and it is bearing you on its current--where, oh! dearest, where?"
"Hush!" came in a stifled moan, from behind the hands that hid the
girlish wife's convulsed face. "You shall not talk so--I cannot bear
it!"
"But I must, love," and Lulu's arm stole around the convulsed form
that still held itself proudly erect, as if disdaining human help and
sympathy. "I must, and you will forgive poor Lulu, for it is her duty,
and I must be less your devoted friend than I am if I did not speak.
Oh, you know you are not taking the right course to procure oblivion
of your sad and grievous troubles! It does not make you happy to whirl
through the thoughtless rounds of society amusements and pleasures; it
does not make you happy nor contented to dazzle men's eyes and hearts
with your inaccessible beauty, when seas are rolling between you and
the only man in whose eyes you care to seem fair. Darling, I know
when you go back to your silent home your heart sinks heavier by the
contrast; I know that when you lay this lovely head upon its pillow you
recall, with agony, the time when your baby's cheek was pillowed there
against your own----"