The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance
John Stuart Mill · en
Guided by this 'new' morality, and wishing to avoid the possibility of
being called "cowardly and currish," I indulged in baccarat and other
ruinous games almost every night, willingly losing the 'few pounds'
which in my case meant a few hundreds, for the sake of my occasional
winnings, which placed a number of 'noble' rakes and blue-blooded
blacklegs in my power for 'debts of honour,' which are supposed to be
more strictly attended to and more punctually paid than any debts in the
world, but which, as far as I am concerned, are still owing. I also
betted heavily, on everything that could be made the subject of a
bet,--and not to be behind my peers in 'style' and 'knowledge of the
world' I frequented low houses and allowed a few half-nude brandy-soaked
dancers and vulgar music-hall 'artistes' to get a couple of thousand
pounds worth of jewels out of me, because this sort of thing was called
'seeing life' and was deemed part of a 'gentleman's' diversion.
Heavens!--what beasts we all were, I and my aristocratic boon
companions!--what utterly worthless, useless, callous scoundrels!--and
yet,--we associated with the best and the highest in the land;--the
fairest and noblest ladies in London received us in their houses with
smiles and softly-worded flatteries--we--whose presence reeked with
vice; we, 'young men of fashion' whom, if he had known our lives as they
were, an honest cobbler working patiently for daily bread, might have
spat upon, in contempt and indignation that such low rascals should be
permitted to burden the earth! Sometimes, but very seldom, Rimânez
joined our gambling and music-hall parties, and on such occasions I
noticed that he, as it were, 'let himself go' and became the wildest of
us all. But though wild he was never coarse,--as _we_ were; his deep and
mellow laughter had a sonorous richness in it that was totally unlike
the donkey's 'hee-haw' of our 'cultured' mirth,--his manners were never
vulgar; and his fluent discourse on men and things, now witty and
satirical, now serious almost to pathos, strangely affected many of
those who heard him talk, myself most of all. Once, I remember, when we
were returning late from some foolish carouse,--I with three young sons
of English peers, and Rimânez walking beside us,--we came upon a poorly
clad girl sobbing and clinging to the iron railing outside a closed
church door.
"Oh God!" she wailed--"Oh dear God! Do help me!"
One of my companions seized her by the arm with a lewd jest, when all at
once Rimânez stepped between.
"Leave her alone!" he said sternly--"Let her find God if she can!"
The girl looked up at him terrified, her eyes streaming with tears, and
he dropped two or three gold pieces into her hand. She broke out crying
afresh.
"Oh God bless you!" she cried wildly--"God bless you!"
He raised his hat and stood uncovered in the moonlight, his dark beauty
softened by a strangely wistful expression.
"I thank you!" he said simply--"You make me your debtor."