The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance
John Stuart Mill · en
Still inexorable thought worked in my brain, and forced me to consider
my position. Was she,--was Sibyl--more to blame than I myself for all
the strange havoc wrought? I had married her of my own free will and
choice,--and she had told me beforehand--"I am a contaminated creature,
trained to perfection in the lax morals and prurient literature of my
day." Well,--and so it had proved! My own blood burned with shame as I
reflected how ample and convincing were the proofs!--and, starting up
from my recumbent posture I paced up and down again restlessly in a
fever of self-contempt and disgust. What could I do with a woman such as
she to whom I was now bound for life? Reform her? She would laugh me to
scorn for the attempt. Reform myself? She would sneer at me for an
effeminate milksop. Besides, was not I as willing to be degraded as she
was to degrade me?--a very victim to my brute passions? Tortured and
maddened by my feelings I roamed about wildly, and started as if a
pistol-shot had been fired near me when the plash of oars sounded on the
silence and the keel of a small boat grated on the shore, the boatman
within it respectfully begging me in mellifluous French to employ him
for an hour. I assented, and in a minute or two was out on the lake in
the middle of the red glow of sunset which turned the snow-summits to
points of flame, and the waters to the hue of ruby wine. I think the man
who rowed me saw that I was in no very pleasant humour, for he preserved
a discreet silence,--and I, pulling my hat partly over my eyes, lay back
in the stern, still busy with my wretched musings. Only a month
married!--and yet,--a sickening satiety had taken the place of the
so-called 'deathless' lover's passion. There were moments even, when my
wife's matchless physical beauty appeared hideous to me. I knew her as
she was,--and no exterior charm could ever again cover for me the
revolting nature within. And what puzzled me from dawn to dusk was her
polished, specious hypocrisy,--her amazing aptitude for lies! To look at
her,--to hear her speak,--one would have deemed her a very saint of
purity,--a delicate creature whom a coarse word would startle and
offend,--a very incarnation of the sweetest and most gracious
womanhood,--all heart and feeling and sympathy. Everyone thought thus of
her,--and never was there a greater error. Heart she had none; that fact
was borne in upon me two days after our marriage while we were in Paris,
for there a telegram reached us announcing her mother's death. The
paralysed Countess of Elton had, it appeared, expired suddenly on our
wedding-day, or rather our wedding night,--but the Earl had deemed it
best to wait forty-eight hours before interrupting our hymeneal
happiness with the melancholy tidings. He followed his telegram by a
brief letter to his daughter, in which the concluding lines were
these--"As you are a bride and are travelling abroad, I should advise
you by no means to go into mourning. Under the circumstances it is