The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance
John Stuart Mill · en
Let me write on,--write on, with this dead fleshly hand, ... one
moment more time, dread God! ... one moment more to write the
truth,--the terrible truth of Death whose darkest secret, Life, is
unknown to men! I live!--a new, strong, impetuous vitality possesses
me, though my mortal body is nearly dead. Faint gasps and weak
shudderings affect it still,--and I, outside it and no longer of it,
propel its perishing hand to write these final words--_I live!_ To
my despair and horror,--to my remorse and agony, I live!--oh the
unspeakable misery of this new life! And worst of all,--God whom I
doubted, God whom I was taught to deny, this wronged, blasphemed,
and outraged God EXISTS! And I could have found Him had I
chosen,--this knowledge is forced upon me as I am torn from
hence,--it is shouted at me by a thousand wailing voices! ... too
late!--too late!--the scarlet wings beat me downward,--these strange
half-shapeless forms close round and drive me onward ... to a
further darkness, ... amid wind and fire!
* * * * *
Serve me, dead hand, once more ere I depart, ... my tortured spirit
must seize and compel you to write down this thing unnameable, that
earthly eyes may read, and earthly souls take timely warning! ... I
know at last WHOM I have loved!--whom I have chosen, whom I have
worshipped! ... Oh God, have mercy! ... I know WHO claims my worship
now, and drags me into yonder rolling world of flame! ... his name
is ........"
Here the manuscript ended,--incomplete and broken off abruptly,--and
there was a blot on the last sentence as though the pen had been
violently wrenched from the dying fingers and hastily flung down.