Was it clearly his duty, as Bainbridge had sought to indicate, to leave
Esme in the undisturbed belief in his death and in her false position as
George Sinclair's wife? That course raised so many points, legal and
ethical, which made its adoption difficult, if not impossible. There
was the question of income. Why should his income, as well as his wife,
be enjoyed by the man who, even though unwittingly, had nevertheless
robbed him of everything? There was the other resource of collusive
divorce. But that was only practicable by agreement, which would
involve the disturbing of Esme's peace of mind, and invest her with the
responsibility of decision. There was the third course of claiming her
as his wife. Here again the difficulty of the child obtruded itself, an
insuperable barrier to the happiness of all concerned. He wanted his
wife, but he did not want the child; on that point he was firmly
resolved. It was the one point in the series of complications upon
which he entertained no doubt. The child was not his; he had no thought
of adopting it as his: he was jealous of it, more jealous of it than he
was of Sinclair. Its very helplessness made it a tremendous factor in
the case.
He wondered dully how Esme, when she learned of it, would receive the
news of his return? Judged by ordinary standpoints, his manner of
leaving her, of allowing her to remain uninformed as to his whereabouts,
was unpardonable. Practically it amounted to desertion, as Bainbridge
said. But his mental condition at the time he left his home was
responsible for his amazing conduct. The voyage to England had been
undertaken for the purpose of regaining strength, of regaining control
of his nerves; the rest had been due to the unfortunate accident of
circumstances: it might have happened to any one; it had happened to
other men. Plenty of fellows reported missing had turned up again. He
wondered whether any man, beside himself, had returned to his home to
find his wife married again? And, if so, how he had acted? No
precedent could have aided him in his dilemma; each case called for
individual action which must be governed largely by circumstances. The
big stumbling block in his own case was the child. Everything worked
round to that one point and stuck there; it formed a cul-de-sac to every
line of thought.
Wearily Hallam returned to his hotel and went to bed and fell into the
heavy, unrefreshing sleep of physical and mental exhaustion.