The Substitute Millionaire — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Substitute Millionaire
John Stuart Mill · en
"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come! There's good comedy in it, I
assure you. I'll give you a piece of good advice if you like."
"What is it?"
"Well, when a wife takes that highty-tighty tone towards her husband
they say there's only one remedy."
"What's that?"
"Corporal punishment," said Jack, grinning.
"Eh?" said Bobo, staring.
"I believe the English law allows a man a rod no thicker than his thumb
for the purpose of maintaining domestic discipline."
Bobo refused to see the joke. He sat in silence with his chin on his
breast.
"I suppose you're waiting for money," said Jack.
Bobo nodded.
"I don't want to rub it in, but I'm curious to know if you appreciate
the colossal cheek of your coming to me for money after what has
happened?"
Bobo nodded again. "What else could I do?"
"I shouldn't be surprised if part of it was actually for the purpose of
settling with the man who helped you to disobey my orders."
"Miriam fixed that up by wireless."
"Then I might suggest that it's up to her to settle with the man. You
told me Miriam was well-fixed, you know."
"Something has happened," said Bobo. "We went to the Bienvenu before
coming here. Some one called her up there. She wouldn't let me hear
what she said. She was sore afterwards. Seems her income is cut off
or something."
"That's not hard to guess," said Jack. "The old man told her that now
she's got you, she can afford to dispense with his weekly contribution."
"Do you really think she's in his pay?"
"Oh, let's don't go into that again."
"Good Lord! What will become of me!" groaned Bobo. "I've got to show
her the color of my money, or she'll worm the truth out of me!"
"You'll never tell her the truth. She'd kill you."
"She'll guess the truth, if I don't keep her supplied!"
"You should have thought of that yesterday."
"Don't be so hard on me!" whined Bobo. "What's the money to you!"
Jack felt slightly disgusted. "I'm going to keep you supplied," he
said, "within reason. But you'll have to keep that young lady inside
the limits that I set. I've no intention of maintaining her like the
Queen of Sheba. Tell her your money's in the hands of trustees. Tell
her anything you like."
"How much?" said Bobo anxiously.
"Five thousand for the honeymoon. After that a thousand weekly. Not
another cent."
"I've got to have the limousine," whined Bobo.
Jack's lip curled. "You're not exactly in a position to make demands.
However, you can have the car. It's no good to me."
Bobo commenced to stammer his thanks.
"Cut it out!" said Jack. "I'm only doing it, because it happens to
suit my plans. You have disobeyed my orders, and forfeited all claims
on me. I reserve the right of course, to show you up whenever it suits
me."
Bobo lived in the present. Seeing his immediate needs relieved, he
refused to consider the unpleasant future. His eye brightened as Jack
went to write him a check.
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