How he must have liked and admired. It must have amazed him; a woman setting forth and putting straight the muddles of his own mind. "Powerful" he probably said. It was a half jealous keeping to himself of a fine, good thing. If he could have known that it would have been, just at that very moment, the answer to my worry about Christ he would have been jealous and angry quite as much as surprised and pleased and sympathetic ... he was afraid _himself_ of the idea that anyone can give up the idea of the divinity of Christ and still remain religious and good. He ought to have let me read it.... If he could have stated it himself as well, that day by the gate he would have done so ... "a very reasonable dilemma my dear." He knew I was thinking about things. But he had not read Robert Elsmere then. He was jealous of a thunderbolt flung by a woman.... 12 And now I've got beyond _Robert Elsmere_.... That's Mrs. Humphry Ward and Robert Elsmere; that's gone. There's no answering science. One must choose. Either science or religion. They can't both be true. This is the same as Literature and Dogma.... Only in Literature and Dogma there is that thing that is perfectly true--that thing--what is it? What was that idea in Literature and Dogma? 13 I wonder if I've strained my heart. This funny feeling of sinking through the bed. Never mind. I've done the ride. I'm alive and alone in a strange place. Everything's alive all round me in a new way. Nearer. As the flame of the candle had swelled and gone out under her blowing she had noticed the bareness of everything in the room--a room for chance travellers, nothing that anyone could carry away. She could still see it as it was when she moved and blew out the candle, a whole room swaying sideways into darkness. The more she relinquished the idea of harm and danger, the nearer and more intimate the room became.... No one can prevent my being alone in a strange place, near to things and loving them. It's more than worth half killing yourself. It makes you ready to die. I'm not going to die, even if I have strained my heart. 'Damaged myself for life.' I am going to sleep. The dawn will come, no one knowing where I am. Because I have no money I must go on and stay with these people. But I have been alive here. There's hardly any time. I _must_ go to sleep. CHAPTER XXVII 1