The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4
John Stuart Mill · en
"Did you get the tooth out" clutched Miriam automatically making a
mental note of the remark that flashed through the world with a sad
light, a lamp brought into a hopeless sick-room ... keeping up her
attitude of response to show that she was accepting the apology for the
extremities of rage over the getting of the anæsthetist. Mrs. Orly
appearing in the hall at the moment, still flushed from the storm,
joined the group and outdid Miriam's admiring amazement, brilliant
smiles of relief garlanding her gentle outcry. "Hancock busy?" said Mr.
Orly in farewell as he turned and swung away to the den followed by Mrs.
Orly, her unseen face busy with an interrupted errand. He would not hear
that her voice was divided.... No one seemed to be aware of the divided
voices ... no men. Life went on and on, a great oblivious awfulness,
sliding over everything. Every moment things went that could never be
recovered ... on and on, and it was always too late, there was always
some new thing obliterating everything, something that looked new, but
always turned out to be the same as everything else, grinning with its
sameness in an awful blank where one tried to remember the killed things
... if only everyone would stop for a moment and let the thing that was
always hovering be there, let it settle and intensify. But the whole of
life was a conspiracy to prevent it. Was there something wrong in it? It
could not be a coincidence the way life _always_ did that ... she had
reached the little conservatory on the half landing, darkened with a
small forest of aspidistra. The dull dust-laden leaves identified
themselves with her life. What had become of her autumn of hard work
that was to lift her out of her personal affairs and lead somewhere?
Already the holiday freshness and vigour had left her; and nothing had
been done. Nothing was so strong as the desire that everything would
stop for a moment and allow her to remember ... wearily she mounted the
remaining stairs to Mr. Hancock's room. "I think" said a clear high
confident voice from the chair and stopped. Miriam waited with painful
eagerness while the patient rinsed her mouth; "that that gentleman
thinks himself a good deal cleverer than he is," she resumed sitting
back in the chair.
"I am afraid I'm not as familiar with his work as I ought to be, but I
can't say I've been very greatly impressed as far as I have gone."
"Don't go any further. There's nothing there to go for."