The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4
John Stuart Mill · en
Miriam sat listening to the indrawn breathings.
"What is the matter?"
"It's my epileptiform neuralgia again. I thought Dr. Ashley-Densley
would have been in. I suppose he's off for the week-end."
She lay back pale and lifeless looking with her eyes closed.
"All right, I won't go, that's about it," said Miriam angrily.
7
"Have another cup dear. He said the picture was like me and like my
name. He thinks it's the right name for me--'you'll always be able to
inspire affection' he said."
"Yes that's true."
"He wants me to change my first name. He thought Eleanor would be
pretty."
"I _say_; look here."
"Of course I can't make any decision until I know certain things."
"D'you mean to say ... _good_ness!"
Miss Dear chuckled indulgently, making little brisk movements about the
tea-tray.
"So I'm to be called Eleanor Dear. He's a dear little man. I'm very fond
of him. But there is an earlier friend."
"Oh----"
"I thought you'd help me out."
"_I?_"
"Well dear, I thought you wouldn't mind calling and finding out for me
how the land lies."
Miriam's eyes fixed the inexorable shapely outlines of the tall figure.
That dignity would never go; but there was something, that would never
come ... there would be nothing but fuss and mystification for the man.
She would have a house and a dignified life. He, at home, would have
death. But these were the women. But she had liked the book. There was
something in it she had felt. But a man reading, seeing only bits and
points of view would never find that far-away something. She would hold
the man by being everlastingly mysteriously up to something or other
behind a smile. He would grow sick to death of mysterious nothings; of
things always centering in her, leaving everything else outside her
dignity. Appalling. What _was_ she doing all the time, bringing one's
eyes back and back each time after one had angrily given in, to question
the ruffles of her hair and the way she stood and walked and prepared to
speak.
"Oh...! of _course_ I will--you wicked woman."
"It's very puzzling. You see he's the earlier friend."
"You think if he knew he had a rival. Of course. Quite right."
"Well dear, I think he ought to _know_."
"So I'm to be your mamma. What a _lark_."
Miss Dear shed a fond look. "I want you to meet my little man. He's
longing to meet you?"
"Have you mentioned me to him."
"Well dear who should I mention if not you?"
8
"So I thought the best thing to do would be to come and ask you what
would be the best thing to do for her."