Viola's vanity : $b or, A bitter expiation — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Viola's vanity : $b or, A bitter expiation
John Stuart Mill · en
Still blushing warmly, Viola continued:
“I actually believed myself very much in love with you, and when I tell
you what a disposition I have, you will readily understand my mistake.”
He bowed and waited, while she went on, frankly:
“As a child I always wanted most ardently whatever was refused to me,
and brought every energy to bear until I attained its possession, only
to find out afterward that I cared nothing for it whatever, and had
only struggled for it out of the inherent perversity of a nature that
adored the unattainable. My nurse related that I often cried for the
moon.”
She paused a moment, startled at his deepening pallor, then made the
confession:
“I met you several times in society, Professor Desha, and I did not
actually give you a second thought until a rival belle, a spiteful
girl, told me frankly how very strongly you had expressed your
disapprobation of me in general, deploring the fact that any true man’s
heart could be wrecked by such a heartless butterfly. In my anger and
resentment I marked you at once for a victim of my charms.”
“Ah!” he cried, in actual pain at her confession.
“It was wicked, and I am ashamed of it now, but I promised to be
frank, and I will not spare myself,” cried Viola; adding: “Yes, I
angled for your heart with all the arts of the finished coquette,
but you withstood me so valiantly that you awakened that trait in my
nature, that longing for whatever was denied me. It grew on me till it
possessed me, fooled me, made me believe you actually necessary to my
heart. Pique and vanity masqueraded in the garb of love. I won you, and
believed that I was happy. Then came that night!”
He was about to speak, but she held up her hand, saying:
“Wait till I have done. Will you listen to the story of what happened
that night after you left me?”
He bowed his head, and Viola began by telling him, to his great
surprise, how she had tried to recall Florian and failed.
“In my bitter humiliation I felt I could not face the sensation of
tomorrow. I went out and threw myself beneath the wheels of a passing
trolley car to end my life.”
“Oh, my God, Viola!”