EXPERIENCE AND INVENTION.—To however high a degree a man can attain to
knowledge of himself, nothing can be more incomplete than the conception
which he forms of the instincts constituting his individuality. He can
scarcely name the more common instincts: their number and force, their
flux and reflux, their action and counteraction, and, above all, the laws
of their nutrition, remain absolutely unknown to him. This nutrition,
therefore, becomes a work of chance: the daily experiences of our lives
throw their prey now to this instinct and now to that, and the instincts
gradually seize upon it; but the ebb and flow of these experiences does
not stand in any rational relationship to the nutritive needs of the total
number of the instincts. Two things, then, must always happen: some
cravings will be neglected and starved to death, while others will be
overfed. Every moment in the life of man causes some polypous arms of his
being to grow and others to wither away, in accordance with the nutriment
which that moment may or may not bring with it. Our experiences, as I have
already said, are all in this sense means of nutriment, but scattered
about with a careless hand and without discrimination between the hungry
and the overfed. As a consequence of this accidental nutrition of each
particular part, the polypus in its complete development will be something
just as fortuitous as its growth.
To put this more clearly: let us suppose that an instinct or craving has
reached that point when it demands gratification,—either the exercise of
its power or the discharge of it, or the filling up of a vacuum (all this
is metaphorical language),—then it will examine every event that occurs in
the course of the day to ascertain how it can be utilised with the object
of fulfilling its aim: whether the man runs or rests, or is angry, or
reads or speaks or fights or rejoices, the unsatiated instinct watches, as
it were, every condition into which the man enters, and, as a rule, if it
finds nothing for itself it must wait, still unsatisfied. After a little
while it becomes feeble, and at the end of a few days or a few months, if
it has not been satisfied, it will wither away like a plant which has not
been watered. This cruelty of chance would perhaps be more conspicuous if
all the cravings were as vehement in their demands as hunger, which
refuses to be satisfied with imaginary dishes; but the great majority of
our instincts, especially those which are called moral, are thus easily
satisfied,—if it be permitted to suppose that our dreams serve as
compensation to a certain extent for the accidental absence of “nutriment”
during the day. Why was last night’s dream full of tenderness and tears,
that of the night before amusing and gay, and the previous one adventurous
and engaged in some continual obscure search? How does it come about that
in this dream I enjoy indescribable beauties of music, and in that one I