The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete
Jean-Jacques Rousseau · en
pay more attention to this circumstance, taking care of my purse, and
becoming mean from a laudable motive; for I only sought to insure Madam
de Warens some resources against that catastrophe which I dreaded the
approach of. I feared her creditors would seize her pension or that it
might be discontinued and she reduced to want, when I foolishly imagined
that the trifle I could save might be of essential service to her; but
to accomplish this, it was necessary I should conceal what I meant to
make a reserve of; for it would have been an awkward circumstance,
while she was perpetually driven to expedients, to have her know that I
hoarded money. Accordingly, I sought out some hiding-place, where I laid
up a few louis, resolving to augment this stock from time to time, till
a convenient opportunity to lay it at her feet; but I was so incautious
in the choice of my repositories, that she always discovered them, and,
to convince me that she did so, changed the louis I had concealed for a
larger sum in different pieces of coin. Ashamed of these discoveries,
I brought back to the common purse my little treasure, which she never
failed to lay out in clothes, or other things for my use, such as a
silver hilted sword, watch, etc. Being convinced that I should never
succeed in accumulating money, and that what I could save would furnish
but a very slender resource against the misfortune I dreaded, made me
wish to place myself in such a situation that I might be enabled to
provide for her, whenever she might chance to be reduced to want.
Unhappily, seeking these resources on the side of my inclinations, I
foolishly determined to consider music as my principal dependence; and
ideas of harmony rising in my brain, I imagined, that if placed in a
proper situation to profit by them, I should acquire celebrity, and
presently become a modern Orpheus, whose mystic sounds would attract all
the riches of Peru.
As I began to read music tolerably well, the question was, how I should
learn composition? The difficulty lay in meeting with a good master,
for, with the assistance of my Rameau alone, I despaired of ever being
able to accomplish it; and, since the departure of M. le Maitre,
there was nobody in Savoy who understood anything of the principles of
harmony.