The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete
Jean-Jacques Rousseau · en
Though I was far enough from being of the same opinion in this
particular, I confess I dared not combat hers; indeed, as I was
situated, it would have been putting myself in rather awkward
circumstances, since I could only have sought to establish my opinion
for others, myself being an exception. Besides, I entertained but little
hopes of making her alter hers, which never had any great influence on
her conduct, and at the time I am speaking of none; but I have
promised faithfully to describe her principles, and I will perform my
engagement--I now return to myself.
Finding in her all those ideas I had occasion for to secure me from
the fears of death and its future consequences, I drew confidence and
security from this source; my attachment became warmer than ever, and I
would willingly have transmitted to her my whole existence, which seemed
ready to abandon me. From this redoubled attachment, a persuasion that I
had but a short time to live, and profound security on my future state,
arose an habitual and even pleasing serenity, which, calming every
passion that extends our hopes and fears, made me enjoy without
inquietude or concern the few days which I imagined remained for me.
What contributed to render them still snore agreeable was an endeavor to
encourage her rising taste for the country, by every amusement I could
possibly devise, wishing to attach her to her garden, poultry, pigeons,
and cows: I amused myself with them and these little occupations, which
employed my time without injuring my tranquillity, were more serviceable
than a milk diet, or all the remedies bestowed on my poor shattered
machine, even to effecting the utmost possible reestablishment of it.
The vintage and gathering in our fruit employed the remainder of the
year; we became more and more attached to a rustic life, and the society
of our honest neighbors. We saw the approach of winter with regret,
and returned to the city as if going into exile. To me this return was
particularly gloomy, who never expected to see the return of spring,
and thought I took an everlasting leave of Charmettes. I did not quit
it without kissing the very earth and trees, casting back many a wishful
look as I went towards Chambery.