The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete
Jean-Jacques Rousseau · en
Thus, in a moment, all my flattering expectations were at an end; and
nothing remained from my interested conversion but the remembrance of
having been made both a dupe and an apostate. It is easy to imagine
what a sudden revolution was produced in my ideas, when every brilliant
expectation of making a fortune terminated by seeing myself plunged in
the completest misery. In the morning I was deliberating what palace
I should inhabit, before night I was reduced to seek my lodging in the
street. It may be supposed that I gave myself up to the most violent
transports of despair, rendered more bitter by a consciousness that
my own folly had reduced me to these extremities; but the truth is,
I experienced none of these disagreeable sensations. I had passed
two months in absolute confinement; this was new to me; I was now
emancipated, and the sentiment I felt most forcibly, was joy at my
recovered liberty. After a slavery which had appeared tedious, I was
again master of my time and actions, in a great city, abundant in
resources, crowded with people of fortune, to whom my merit and talents
could not fail to recommend me. I had sufficient time before me to
expect this good fortune, for my twenty livres seemed an inexhaustible
treasure, which I might dispose of without rendering an account of to
anyone. It was the first time I had found myself so rich, and far from
giving way to melancholy reflections, I only adopted other hopes, in
which self-love was by no means a loser. Never did I feel so great a
degree of confidence and security; I looked on my fortune as already
made and was pleased to think I should have no one but myself to thank
for the acquisition of it.
The first thing I did was to satisfy my curiosity by rambling all over
the city, and I seemed to consider it as a confirmation of my liberty;
I went to see the soldiers mount guard, and was delighted with their
military accouterment; I followed processions, and was pleased with the
solemn music of the priests; I next went to see the king’s palace,
which I approached with awe, but seeing others enter, I followed their
example, and no one prevented me; perhaps I owed this favor to the small
parcel I carried under my arm; be that as it may, I conceived a high
opinion of my consequence from this circumstance, and already thought
myself an inhabitant there. The weather was hot; I had walked about till
I was both fatigued and hungry; wishing for some refreshment, I went
into a milk-house; they brought me some cream-cheese curds and whey,
and two slices of that excellent Piedmont bread, which I prefer to any
other; and for five or six sous I had one of the most delicious meals I
ever recollect to have made.