St. Paul says, that the Cretans were all "liars," "evil beasts," and
"slow bellies." The physician Hequet understood by slow bellies, that
the Cretans were costive, which vitiated their blood, and rendered them
ill-disposed and mischievous. It is doubtless very true that persons of
this habit are more prone to choler than others: their bile passes not
away, but accumulates until their blood is overheated.
When you have a favor to beg of a minister, or his first secretary,
inform yourself adroitly of the state of his stomach, and always seize
on "mollia fandi tempora."
No one is ignorant that our character and turn of mind are intimately
connected with the water-closet. Cardinal Richelieu was sanguinary,
because he had the piles, which afflicted his rectum and hardened his
disposition. Queen Anne of Austria always called him "_cul pourri_"
(sore bottom), which nickname redoubled his bile, and possibly cost
Marshal Marillac his life, and Marshal Bassompierre his liberty; but I
cannot discover why certain persons should be greater liars than others.
There is no known connection between the anal sphincter and falsehood,
like that very sensible one between our stomach and our passions, our
manner of thinking and our conduct.
I am much disposed to believe, that by "slow bellies" St. Paul
understood voluptuous men and gross feeders--a kind of priors, canons,
and abbots-commendatory--rich prelates, who lay in bed all the morning
to recover from the excesses of the evening, as Marot observes in his
eighty-sixth epigram in regard to a fat prior, who lay in bed and
fondled his grandson while his partridges were preparing:
_Un gros prieur son petit fils baisait,_
_Et mignardait au matin dans sa couche,_
_Tandis rôtir sa perdrix en faisait, etc._
But people may lie in bed all the morning without being either liars, or
badly disposed. On the contrary, the voluptuously indolent are generally
socially gentle, and easy in their commerce with the world.
However this may be, I regret that St. Paul should offend an entire
people. In this passage, humanly speaking, there is neither politeness,
ability, or even truth. Nothing is gained from men by calling them evil
beasts; and doubtless men of merit were to be found in Crete. Why thus
outrage the country of Minos, which Archbishop Fénelon, infinitely more
polished than St. Paul, so much eulogizes in his "Telemachus"?