THE CONVERSION OF ENGLAND Noticing some fair-haired children in the slave market one morning, Pope Gregory, the memorable Pope, said (in Latin). “What are those?” and on being told that they were Angels, made the memorable joke--“Non Angli, sed Angeli” (“_not_ Angels, but _Anglicans_”) and commanded one of his Saints called St. Augustine to go and convert the rest. [Illustration: Angels?] The conversion of England was thus effected by the landing of St. Augustine in Thanet and other places, which resulted in the country being overrun by a Wave of Saints. Among these were St. Ive, St. Pancra, the great St. Bernard (originator of the clerical collar), St. Bee, St. Ebb, St. Neot (who invented whisky), St. Kit and St. Kin, and the Venomous Bead (author of _The Rosary_). [Illustration: Wave of Sts.] England was now divided into seven kingdoms and so ready were the English to become C. of E. that on one memorable occasion a whole Kingdom was easily converted by a sparrow. WAVE OF EGG-KINGS Soon after this event Egg-Kings were found on the thrones of all these kingdoms, such as Eggberd, Eggbreth, Eggfroth, etc. None of them, however, succeeded in becoming memorable--except in so far as it is difficult to forget such names as Eggbirth, Eggbred, Eggbeard, Eggfilth, etc. Nor is it even remembered by what kind of Eggdeath they perished. CHAPTER IV BRITAIN CONQUERED AGAIN The conversion of Britain was followed by a Wave of Danes, accompanied by their sisters or _Sagas_, and led by such memorable warriors as Harold Falsetooth and Magnus the Great, who, landing correctly in Thanet, overran the country from right to left, with fire.[3] After this the Danes invented a law called the Danelaw, which easily proved that since there was nobody else left alive there, all the right-hand part of England belonged to them. The Danish Conquest was, however, undoubtedly a _Good Thing_, because although it made the Danes top nation for a time it was the cause of Alfred the Cake (and in any case they were beaten utterly _in the end_ by Nelson). By this time the Saxons had all become very old like the Britons before them and were called _ealdormen_; when they had been defeated in a battle by the Danes they used to sing little songs to themselves such as the memorable fragment discovered in the Bodleian Library at Oxford: OLD-SAXON FRAGMENT Syng a song of Saxons In the Wapentake of Rye Four and twenty eaoldormen Two eaold to die.... _Anon._ The Danes, on the other hand, wrote a very defiant kind of Epic poetry, e.g.: BEOLEOPARD . . OR THE WITAN’S WHAIL . . Whan Cnut Cyng the Witan wold enfeoff Of infanthief and outfangthief Wonderlich were they enwraged And wordwar waged Sware Cnut great scot and lot Swingë wold ich this illbegotten lot.