Wroth was Cnut and wrothword spake. Well wold he win at wopantake. Fain wold he brakë frith and crackë heads And than they shold worshippe his redes. Swingéd Cnut Cyng with swung sword Howléd Witanë hellë but hearkened his word Murië sang Cnut Cyng Outfangthief is Damgudthyng. FOOTNOTES: [3] And, according to certain obstinate historians, the Sword. CHAPTER V ALFRED THE CAKE King Alfred was the first Good King, with the exception of Good King Wenceslas, who, though he looked 4th, really came first (it is not known, however, what King Wenceslas was King of). Alfred ought never to be confused with King Arthur, equally memorable but probably non-existent and therefore perhaps less important historically (unless he did exist). There is a story that King Arthur once burnt some cakes belonging to Mrs. Girth, a great lady of the time, at a place called Atheling. As, however, Alfred could not have been an Incendiary King _and_ a Good King, we may dismiss the story as absurd, and in any case the event is supposed to have occurred in a marsh where the cakes would not have burnt properly. Cf. the famous lines of poetry about King Arthur and the cakes: “Then slowly answered Alfred from the marsh--” _Arthur, Lord Tennyson._ CHAPTER VI EXGALAHAD AND THE BRITISH NAVY King Arthur invented Conferences because he was secretly a Weak King and liked to know what his memorable thousand and one Knights wanted to do next. As they were all parfitly jealous Knights he had to have the Memorable Round Table made to have the Conferences at, so that it was impossible to say which was top knight. He had a miraculous sword called Exgalahad with which he defeated the Danes in numerous battles. In this he was also much assisted by his marine inventions, including the water-clock and the British Navy. The latter invention occurred as follows. Alfred noticed that the Danes had very long ships, so he built a great many more much longer ones, thus cleverly founding the British Navy. From that time onwards foreigners, who, unlike the English, do not prefer to fight against long odds, seldom attacked the British Navy. Hence the important International Law called the Rule Britannia, technically known as the Freedom of the Seas. HUMILIATION OF THE DANES The English resisted the Danes heroically under Alfred, never fighting except against heavy odds, till at the memorable Peace of Wedmore Alfred compelled the Danes, who were now (of course) beaten, to stop being Danes and become English and therefore C. of E. and get properly married. For this purpose they were made to go back and start again at Thanet, after which they were called in future Thanes instead of Danes and were on our side and in the right and very romantic. CHAPTER VII LADY WINDERMERE. AGE OF LAKE DWELLERS [Illustration: A Bad Queen]