A Comic History of the United StatesHopkins, Livingston
History
A Comic History of the United States
Hopkins, Livingston
United States -- History -- Humor
The Elysian Fields, just north of Hoboken, is a sylvan retreat where the
elite of the adjacent cities congregate on Sunday afternoons to play
base-ball and strew peanut shells o’er the graves of departed
car-horses.
_CHAPTER XI._
PENNSYLVANIA SEEN THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY—WM. PENN STANDS TREAT—A
STRIKING RESEMBLANCE—HOW TO PRESERVE THE HAIR.
The first colony of Pennsylvania was founded in 1682 by Wm. Penn, a
Quaker gentleman of steady habits, who, with remarkable foresight
settled at Philadelphia, because he thought it an eligible place to hold
a Centennial Exhibition. He took out naturalization papers, and began by
studying the prejudices of the natives with a view to getting upon the
good side of them. He smoked the calumet of peace with them and treated
them to hard cider, under the mellowing influence of which they said he
was like “Onas.” How well he deserved this compliment the reader will
comprehend at once by reference to the accompanying illustration. The
coincidence of resemblance is indeed striking, though it must be
admitted he is not unlike a cigar sign either.
[Illustration:
_PENN’S TREATY WITH THE INDIANS_
]
Wm. Penn bought property in Philadelphia, where he resided for
thirty-six years, getting along very well with the neighbors. In proof
of which we may mention that in 1718 he went back to England very well
off indeed, where he died and was buried in his own hair.
_CHAPTER XII._
MARYLAND SETTLED—WHAT’S IN A NAME?—PECULIAR MONETARY SYSTEM.
Lord Baltimore was the oldest inhabitant of Maryland. He named it after
Mrs. Charles II, whose maiden name was Henrietta Maria.
The name _Henrietta Marialand_ was found rather unhandy for so small a
province, so he afterwards cut it down to _Maryland_.
The first settlement was made at the mouth of the Potomac river by a
colony of English ladies and gentlemen. They lived chiefly upon green
corn and tobacco, which they cultivated in large quantities. When they
ran out of funds the latter staple became their currency—the leaf
tobacco being the paper money or “greenbacks,” and the same dried, mixed
with molasses and pressed into blocks or “plugs,” represented specie or
“hard money.” During the growth of the crop it was customary for the
capitalist to dig up his stalks every night before going to bed,
(previously watering them,) and lock them up in a patent burglar-proof
safe, getting up before sunrise next morning to replant them.
The inflation or depression of the money market depended more or less
upon the success of the tobacco crop, and as the soil was new there was
seldom a panic. One phase of the old Maryland monetary system is
graphically set forth on page 79.
[Illustration:
“_LIQUIDATION_”
]
_CHAPTER XIII._
TWO BIRDS KILLED WITH ONE STONE—A COLORED CITIZEN DECLARES HIS
INTENTIONS—IN SETTLING NORTH AND SOUTH CAROLINA THE AUTHOR IS
HIMSELF UNSETTLED.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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