A Comic History of the United StatesHopkins, Livingston
History
A Comic History of the United States
Hopkins, Livingston
United States -- History -- Humor
The latter held town meetings, and the district schoolmaster made
inflammatory speeches denouncing the British Parliament; the provincial
editor hurled defiance in the face of the Crown in a double-leaded
article, which he marked with a blue lead pencil and sent to the royal
address with his own handwriting. The Crown turned pale, and immediately
ordered the Stamp Act to be repealed. It was hoped that this concession
would put an end to all hard feelings that had for a long time existed
between Parliament and the Town Council of Boston. But now the cry was
raised of “No Taxation without Representation,” and when one day the
news reached Boston that there had been a duty imposed on tea, people
took a sudden dislike for that beverage. They said the stamps spoiled
the flavor for them, and refused to use it.
As a substitute they consoled themselves with a peculiar infusion called
porkinbeans, a well-known Boston beverage.
One day a ship-load of “Best English Breakfast” arrived at the wharf,
and all Boston picturesquely arrayed in Indian costume turned out to
unload it. In the excitement of the moment the caddies were accidentally
tossed over the wrong side of the ship, the stamps having previously
been canceled by the absent-minded citizens.
Great Britain immediately sent over several ship-loads of troops, but
these were scarcely less obnoxious than the cargo of stamped tea,
especially as they asked some very embarrassing questions relative to
the careless unloading of said cargo.
[Illustration:
_TEA OVERBOARD_
]
Patrick Henry, a member of the Virginia Legislature, took it upon
himself to return a rather evasive answer by “repeating it, sir, WE MUST
FIGHT!”
_CHAPTER XVII._
REVOLUTIONARY—A ROW AT CONCORD—A MASTERLY RETREAT—THE BRITISH COUNT
NOSES.
And we did fight.
The first gun was fired on the 19th of April, 1775, at Concord, where a
large and select assortment of explosives for celebrating the coming
Fourth of July was stored and guarded by a squad of minute-men.
A detachment of 3,000 British was sent to destroy these explosives.
“Disperse ye Rebels!” is what the British commander remarked.
[Illustration:
_RETREAT OF THE BRITISH._
]
“You’re another!” promptly replied the minute-men, and immediately
obeyed the order to disperse. They placed an unexpected construction
upon it, however, for they dispersed the British troops, who deemed it
expedient to saunter back to Charlestown, where they found on counting
noses that they were short some two hundred and eighty men.
This retreat of the British is one of the most brilliant on record, and,
if we can believe the illustration on the opposite page, was conducted
in a somewhat informal manner. The unstudied yet animated action of the
pedal extremities speaks of a pressing engagement suddenly remembered
that must not be neglected. There are certain anatomical peculiarities
in this picture of which the least said the better.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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