A Comic History of the United StatesHopkins, Livingston
History
A Comic History of the United States
Hopkins, Livingston
United States -- History -- Humor
P.S.—By the way, hadn’t you better drop in upon our mutual friend
General Clinton at New York and remain with him for a few days until
it blows over? I only throw this out as a mere suggestion. Good bye.
A.”
Watching his opportunity when his captors’ backs were turned, the Major
slipped this epistle into the coffee-pot, clapped on the lid, and,
having diverted the canine’s attention by means of a piece of salt pork,
which had been originally laid out for the approaching meal, hastily
appended the tin vessel to his caudal extremity, and having with nice
precision turned the animal’s nose in the direction of Arnold’s tent, he
gave the tail an agonizing twist, and—and the party did without coffee
that night.
The yellow dog came duly to hand, and Mr. Arnold was not slow in acting
upon the hint contained in the message he brought. With that
long-headedness which is the characteristic of the true man of business
he anticipated any investigation of his conduct that might follow by
resigning and changing his residence at once. We learn that he
subsequently went to Europe, but up to the present writing has not yet
returned.
[Illustration:
_INSTANCE OF CANINE SAGACITY._
]
If any one doubts the incident we have just related about the way in
which the news of André’s capture reached Arnold, he has only to
narrowly scrutinize our illustration, which treats of the moment when
the sagacious quadruped reaches the American lines. With almost human
intelligence he overturns the sentinel, who, doubtful of the nature of
his business, has challenged his further progress.
For Mr. Arnold’s own sake we regret the imprudent course he pursued to
improve the state of his exchequer. It is true his funds were low, and
no one can blame him for wanting to make a “raise.” But then he ought to
have remembered that there are always honest as well as lucrative
pursuits open to the deserving poor involving but small investments; for
instance, he might have started a paper, peddled matches, got an
appointment in the Cabinet, blacked boots, organized savings banks, or
written comic histories.
We are aware that these invaluable suggestions come too late to apply
specifically to Mr. Arnold’s case, but we do hope that all who have
invested capital in this book will shape their course by the few hints
we have here thrown out, and above all remember that the plucking out of
even the tail feathers of the American Eagle for commercial purposes is
ever attended with risk.
* * * * *
On a more thorough investigation of the subject we learn that Benedict
Arnold is dead, and has been for some time; but he lives in American
history.
_CHAPTER XXIII._
THE AFFAIRS OF THE REVOLUTION WOUND UP—CORNWALLIS STEPS DOWN AND
OUT.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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