A Comic History of the United StatesHopkins, Livingston
History
A Comic History of the United States
Hopkins, Livingston
United States -- History -- Humor
Mr. Adams only served one term. He was naturally a little _piqued_ at
not being nominated the second time, and retiring to Quincy, Mass., he
started an opposition post office, where he passed his declining years.
THOMAS JEFFERSON
was the third President of the United States. He was a gentleman of fine
literary attainments, his most popular works being the Declaration of
Independence and a humorous poem called “Beautiful Snow.” He wrote the
latter during the winter of 1798, (which was the most severe of any
within the memory of the oldest inhabitant,) working on it of nights. He
served two terms, and in the Spring of 1809 went to work on a farm,
where he spent the sunset of his days cultivating potatoes. He said it
was easier than being President, and a great deal more respectable.
[Illustration:
_Thomas Jefferson destroying potato bugs._
]
JAMES MADISON
next took charge of the helm of State, and very unsettled weather he
found it for a new beginner.
During his Administration the country became involved in another war
with Great Britain, growing out of certain liberties taken by the latter
with American vessels upon the high seas.
Whenever an English man-of-war ran short of hands its commander simply
helped himself from the crew of any American merchantman he happened to
encounter. James Madison stood it as long as he could, and then declared
war. This was called the “War of Twelve,” (afterwards increased to
several thousand,) and lasted two years.
Commodore Perry met the enemy on the Erie canal on the 10th of
September, 1814, and after a spirited naval battle they were his
property.
☞ See illustration.
JAMES MONROE
woke up one fine morning in 1817 and found himself President of the
United States. He set his wits to work and invented the “Monroe
Doctrine,” a neat and ingenious contrivance for preventing any foreign
Power from starting branch houses in America. He got it patented.
[Illustration:
_PERRY’S VICTORY ON THE ERIE CANAL._
]
[Illustration:
_NOTICE! TRESPASSING ON THESE PREMISES IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN._
_THE MONROE DOCTRINE_
]
Mr. Monroe declined a third term on account of the cry of “Cæsarism”
having been raised by a rural journal. On retiring from public life Mr.
Monroe entered upon literary pursuits, and wrote some very able dime
novels. His master-piece, called “The Poisoned Peanut, or the Ghostly
Goblin of the Gory Glen,” has been translated into every language.
JOHN QUINCY ADAMS,
of Massachusetts, next tried on the presidential shoes (1825). Business
being dull, Mr. Adams whitewashed the Presidential Mansion, (a barrel of
lime having been appropriated by Congress,) since which time it has been
known as the White House.
Mr. Adams conducted himself in a gentlemanly manner, kept good hours,
and paid his board regularly.
ANDREW JACKSON
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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