A Counterfeit Presentment; and, The Parlour CarHowells, William Dean
General
A Counterfeit Presentment; and, The Parlour Car
Howells, William Dean
American drama -- 19th century; Man-woman relationships -- Drama
_Bartlett._--"No, seriously. What is her little æsthetic specialty? Does
she sketch? Does she scribble? Tell me, thou wicked hat, does she flirt?
Come; out with the vows that you have heard poured into the shelly ear
under this knot of pale-blue flowers! Where be her gibes now, her
gambols, her flashes of merriment? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and
tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come;
make her laugh at that. Dost thou think, Horatio Cummings, Cleopatra
looked o' this fashion? And smelt so?"--he presses the knot of
artificial flowers to his moustache--"Pah!" He tosses the hat on the
sofa and walks away.
_Cummings._--"Bartlett, this is atrocious. I protest"--
_Bartlett._--"Well, give me up, I tell you." He returns, and takes his
friend by the shoulders, as before, and laughs. "I'm not worth your
refined pains. I might be good, at a pinch, but I never could be truly
lady-like."
_Cummings._--"You like to speak an infinite deal of nothing, don't
you?"
_Bartlett._--"It's the only thing that makes conversation." As he
releases Cummings, and turns away from him, in the doorway he confronts
an elderly gentleman, whose white hair and white moustache give
distinction to his handsome florid face. There is something military in
his port, as he stands immoveably erect upon the threshold, his left
hand lodged in the breast of his frock-coat, and his head carried with
an officer-like air of command. His visage grows momently redder and
redder, and his blue eyes blaze upon Bartlett with a fascinated glare
that briefly preludes the burst of fury with which he advances toward
him.
II.
GENERAL WYATT, BARTLETT, _and_ CUMMINGS.
_General Wyatt._--"You infernal scoundrel! What are you doing here?" He
raises his stick at Bartlett, who remains motionlessly frowning in
wrathful bewilderment, his strong hand knotting itself into a fist where
it hangs at his side, while Cummings starts toward them in dismay, with
his hand raised to interpose. "Didn't I tell you if I ever set eyes on
you again, you villain--didn't I warn you that if you ever crossed my
path, you"-- He stops with a violent self-arrest, and lets his stick drop
as he throws up both his hands in amaze. "Good Heavens! It's a mistake!
I beg your pardon, sir; I do, indeed." He lets fall his hands, and
stands staring into Bartlett's face with his illusion apparently not
fully dispelled. "A mistake, sir, a mistake. I was misled, sir, by the
most prodigious resemblance"-- At the sound of voices in the corridor
without, he turns from Bartlett, and starts back toward the door.
_A Voice_, very sweet and weak, without.--"I left them in here, I
think."
_Another Voice._--"You must sit down, Constance, and let me look."
_The First Voice._--"Oh, they'll be here."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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