A dead man's diary : $b written after his deceaseKernahan, Coulson
Philosophy
A dead man's diary : $b written after his decease
Kernahan, Coulson
Christian fiction; Future life -- Fiction; Heaven -- Fiction; Hell -- Fiction
It is not of him, however, that I wish now to speak, but of her. Of
all the faces which I saw in hell, there was one which had for me a
fascination beyond any other. It was the face of a beautiful woman,
queenly of manner and fair of figure as a full-blown lily, and with
those deep dark eyes that _seem_ to shine out from soul-depths, deep as
the distant heaven, and yet _may_ mean no more than does the shallow
facing of quicksilver behind a milliner's mirror. I recognised her
instantly by the portrait, and never out of hell have I seen such
misery on any woman's face as I saw on hers. The sentence in punishment
of her sin was a strange one. It was that she should now love him
whose heart she had broken, with the same passionately intense but
hopeless love with which he had loved her. It was a just but awful
retribution. As some death-stricken and hunted creature presses
frantically on as if to escape the arrow that it carries in its breast,
so, heedless of all that was passing around her, heedless of shadow or
shine, she pressed on and on through the realms of hell, her eyes fixed
and wide-distended in agony, and her hands clutching ceaselessly at
her bosom, as if the heart of her were being riven in twain. "O God!"
I heard her cry, as she passed me, "my heart is broken! my heart is
broken! and, alas, one cannot die of a broken heart in hell."
I saw her once again. She had fallen to the ground, and with hopeless
hands pressed against burning brows was writhing as if in physical
pain, and with her very soul consumed of passion. One whom I knew--it
was his sister--was kneeling beside her, and with gentle words
besought her to calm herself, but she pushed the ministering hand away
despairingly, crying out: "A heart cannot break as mine is breaking
without a shriek. If I had loved him, and he me, and he had died," she
said, "I could have borne it, knowing that I should meet him hereafter,
but to live loveless through a loveless Eternity, _that_ is the thought
which kills me;" and then with a great cry of, "Oh! why should a
merciful God let any of His creatures suffer as I am suffering now?"
she rose up, and fled away before me.
I never saw her again, nor do I know whether or not it was given her
to win back the love she had lost; but, after she had gone, I turned
to his sister--the woman who had striven to comfort her brother's
betrayer--saying that I thought the punishment greater than the sin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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