Ethics -- Fiction; Religion and sociology -- Fiction; Upper class families -- Fiction
Was she trying to make amends, or reminding me in this subtle way of
the cause of our quarrel? What I was aware of as I looked at her was
an attitude, a vantage point apparently gained by contact with that
mysterious outer world which thus vicariously had laid its spell on me;
I was tremendously struck by the thought that to achieve this attitude
meant emancipation, invulnerability against the aches and pains which
otherwise our fellow-beings had the power to give us; mastery over
life,--the ability to choose calmly, as from a height, what were best
for one's self, untroubled by loves and hates. Untroubled by loves and
hates! At that very moment, paradoxically, I loved her madly, but with a
love not of the old quality, a love that demanded a vantage point of its
own. Even though she had made an advance--and some elusiveness in her
manner led me to doubt it I could not go to her now. I must go as a
conqueror,--a conqueror in the lists she herself had chosen, where the
prize is power.
“Oh, I'm getting along pretty well,” I said. “At any rate, they don't
complain of me.”
“Somehow,” she ventured, “somehow it's hard to think of you as a
business man.”
I took this for a reference to the boast I had made that I would go to
college.
“Business isn't so bad as it might be,” I assured her.
“I think a man ought to go away to college,” she declared, in what
seemed another tone. “He makes friends, learns certain things,--it gives
him finish. We are very provincial here.”
Provincial! I did not stop to reflect how recently she must have
acquired the word; it summed up precisely the self-estimate at which I
had arrived. The sting went deep. Before I could think of an effective
reply Nancy was being carried off by the young man from the East, who
was clearly infatuated. He was not provincial. She smiled back at
me brightly over his shoulder.... In that instant were fused in one
resolution all the discordant elements within me of aspiration and
discontent. It was not so much that I would show Nancy what I intended
to do--I would show myself; and I felt a sudden elation, and accession
of power that enabled me momentarily to despise the puppets with whom
she danced.... From this mood I was awakened with a start to feel a hand
on my shoulder, and I turned to confront her father, McAlery Willett;
a gregarious, easygoing, pleasure-loving gentleman who made only a
pretence of business, having inherited an ample fortune from his father,
unique among his generation in our city in that he paid some attention
to fashion in his dress; good living was already beginning to affect his
figure. His mellow voice had a way of breaking an octave.
“Don't worry, my boy,” he said. “You stick to business. These college
fellows are cocks of the walk just now, but some day you'll be able to
snap your fingers at all of 'em.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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