"The Cedars, Allsham.--Educational Establishment for a limited number of young ladies"--(limited to all she could get). "Lady principal, Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount"--(an old wretch); "French, Monsieur de Tiraille; German, Fraulein Liebeskinden; Italian, Signor Pazzoletto; singing, Fraulein Liebeskinden, R.A.M., and Signor Pazzoletto, R.A.M." (the result of whose efforts was to make us poor victims sing in diphthongs or the union of vowels--Latin and Teutonic); "pianoforte, Fraulein Liebeskinden; dancing and deportment, Monsieur de Kittville; English, Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount, assisted by fully qualified teachers. This establishment combines the highest educational phases with the comforts of a home,"--(Now is it not as wicked to write stories as to say them? Of course it is; and as, according to the paper, their circulation was three thousand a week, and there are fifty-two weeks in a year, that wicked old tabby in that one case told just one hundred and six thousand fibs in the twelvemonth; while if I were to analyse the whole advertisement, _comme ca_, the amount would be horrible)--"Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount having made it her study to eliminate every failing point in the older systems of instructions and scholastic internal management, has formed the present institution upon a basis of the most firm, satisfactory, and lasting character." (Would you think it possible that mammas who pride themselves upon their keenness would be led away and believe such nonsense?) "The staff of assistants has been most carefully selected--the highest testimonials having in every case been considered of little avail, unless accompanied by tangible proof of long and arduous experience." Such stuff! And then there was ever so much more--and there was quite a quarrel once about paying for the advertisement, it came to so much-- about forks and spoons and towels, and advantages of situation in a sanitary point of view, and beauty of scenery, and references to bishops, priests, and deacons, deans and canons, two M.D.s and a Sir Somebody Something, Bart. I won't mention his name, for I'm sure he must be quite sufficiently ashamed of it by this time, almost as much so as those high and mighty peers who have been cured of their ailments for so many years by the quack medicines. But there, mamma read it all through, every bit, mumbling dreadfully, as she always has ever since she had those new teeth with the patent base. "Well, but there isn't anything about excelsior," said papa. "No, of course not," said mamma. "I meant that it was the very thing for Laura. Finishing, you know." "Well, it does sound pretty good," said papa. "I don't care so long as it isn't Newnham or Girton, and wanting to ride astride horses." "My dear!" said mamma. "Well, that's what they're all aiming at now," cried papa. "We shall have you on horseback in Rotten Row next." "My love!"