“No, that is true,” said Florida, letting her fingers drop again on the
keys.
Don Ippolito rose from the sofa where he had been sitting beside her
while they read, and walked the length of the room. Then he came towards
her and said meekly, “Madamigella, I did not mean to repel any interest
you feel in me. But it was a strange question to ask a priest, as I
remembered I was when you asked it.”
“Don’t you always remember that?” demanded the girl, still without
turning her head.
“No; sometimes I am suffered to forget it,” he said with a tentative
accent.
She did not respond, and he drew a long breath, and walked away in
silence. She let her hands fall into her lap, and sat in an attitude
of expectation. As Don Ippolito came near her again he paused a second
time.
“It is in this house that I forget my priesthood,” he began, “and it
is the first of your kindnesses that you suffer me to do so, your good
mother, there, and you. How shall I repay you? It cut me to the heart
that you should ask forgiveness of me when you did, though I was hurt
by your rebuke. Oh, had you not the right to rebuke me if I abused the
delicate unreserve with which you had always treated me? But believe me,
I meant no wrong, then.”
His voice shook, and Florida broke in, “You did nothing wrong. It was I
who was cruel for no cause.”
“No, no. You shall not say that,” he returned. “And why should I have
cared for a few words, when all your acts had expressed a trust of me
that is like heaven to my soul?”
She turned now and looked at him, and he went on. “Ah, I see you do not
understand! How could you know what it is to be a priest in this most
unhappy city? To be haunted by the strict espionage of all your own
class, to be shunned as a spy by all who are not of it! But you two have
not put up that barrier which everywhere shuts me out from my kind.
You have been willing to see the man in me, and to let me forget the
priest.”
“I do not know what to say to you, Don Ippolito. I am only a foreigner,
a girl, and I am very ignorant of these things,” said Florida with a
slight alarm. “I am afraid that you may be saying what you will be sorry
for.”
“Oh never! Do not fear for me if I am frank with you. It is my refuge
from despair.”
The passionate vibration of his voice increased, as if it must break
in tears. She glanced towards the other room with a little movement or
stir.
“Ah, you needn’t be afraid of listening to me!” cried the priest
bitterly.
“I will not wake her,” said Florida calmly, after an instant.
“See how you speak the thing you mean, always, always, always! You could
not deny that you meant to wake her, for you have the life-long habit of
the truth. Do you know what it is to have the life-long habit of a lie?
It is to be a priest. Do you know what it is to seem, to say, to do,
the thing you are not, think not, will not? To leave what you believe
unspoken, what you will undone, what you are unknown? It is to be a
priest!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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